This is going to be a fairly self-explanatory message, guys.
You rock, do what you want as long as it's mostly legal.
Life is quite frankly too short.
Stop caring, start thriving
There are so many self-care or self-help books out there that operate under the guise of improving us. Of elevating our identity and crystallising into something more ideologically secure, consistent, and productive. There are so many means of approaching ways to improve our emotional wellbeing, mental health, physical fitness, and overall social prospects. It can get super overwhelming. You aren't alone in thinking that. Particularly when entering the office of your guidance counsellor in high school when the walls were pasted top to bottom with naff inspirational posters and placards. 'It's not about the destination. It's about the journey'. Or 'things that are hard are worth fighting for'. The old faithful: 'Life isn't a competition'.
Honestly, I'm sure all of these epithets are true, but that's not to say that there isn't more informative, helpful advice out there. Like, there's a reason the clichés exist – because they're solid – but I can do better.
So I ask you, my implied audience, a question. What's gold dust?
The art of not caring.
I know it can be hard and may sound harsh and alien to 'not care', but it's not suddenly like you will overnight cease to have a functioning heart. Or that you will be unable to love again – that's unrealistic and sensationalist.
Take your time: Your soul mate is out there
I'm being serious here, listen to the wisdom flow from my mouth. You are worth all the love in the world. Your time is now. Your time is also in the future. you are so young now, you don't even realise it. Trust your instincts. Know your worth. Think about what you actually want in this world. That's a huge question, I know. So give it some thought and prioritise yourself.
I'll say it louder for y'all at the back.
You. Are. Worthy. Of. Love. Period
We've all been there where we're feeling down, dejected, or decidedly unsuccessful. Particularly when we perceive that the people around us are more successful or better in relationships than we are. You catch yourself glowering at Michael and Rebecca from work as they hold hands in the break room. Suddenly you feel like the old spinster or ugly stepmother in a Disney film. But also, sometimes we need time alone and to feel down to realise what it is that we actually want in life and in relationships. Sometimes being in a rut can mean that you need some 'me time' for a weekend. Sometimes you fall into a trapdoor of despair and it can feel impossible to see any light.
But that way, as soon as you accept that you are not living their life or by their terms, you can separate yourself from those comparisons. It means that you can both exist together, but mutually exclusively, without impinging on each other's sense of self. You shouldn't only be able to feel proud of yourself in relation to others. Be proud that you got 78, not that you got higher than your friend in the class.
Don't let other people unknowingly determine your self-worth
That way, you can distance yourself from the toxic competition that capitalism and social encounters inherently prompt, and you will be miles happier for it.
So stop what you're doing.
Unfollow those celebrities on Instagram. They don't care about you and if you're honest with yourself, you can't remember the last time you even liked their picture. Stop being a voyeur on other people's lives at the expense of living your own.
There is always pressure to conform to some invisible social timeline when to have sex for the first time or move in together. Or when to get married or have kids. Don't listen to the nonsense around you. Think about what you want. It's okay to not want any of that! Friends can be soul mates platonically just as much as lovers can be. So think, think, think!
We all crave what seems impossible
But I promise you, love isn't impossible. And you will have it. If you look around yourself now, you will also find that you're surrounded by it. Don't forget the power of family and friends and platonic soul mates when you're thinking about what you want.
We always underestimate how many people are willing to do ridiculous things to get a smile from us.