One of the hardest pills to swallow in this life is reflecting on your past relationship mistakes. Thinking about all the time you wasted thinking the other person in the relationship was just as invested in your life as you were in theirs.
Maybe they weren't even aware that they were causing you pain, but that's arguably worse than intentionally doing it. It meant that we internalised the pain, even held ourselves responsible for our suffering.
It's like an unrequited crush. It's not their fault but it doesn't make it yours. Therefore, you have to not only forgive yourself but forgive them.
There's no use being bitter about things that you can't control
Particularly if the other person can't control it. It's not fair, but that's life. This just shows that you are a more awakened soul. You know what you need and how to get it.
You're enlightened and not in the thrall of the nonsense that consumes everyone else. You're above it all. but that isn't by accident, it's a series of conscious decisions you make every day.
Starting with forgiving yourself and the people around you for the mistakes we make. Holding people to impossible standards gets us nowhere.
Communication skills are a must, but here are a couple of other ways in which we all need to be more woke and awakened to the ways of the world. The essential conditions of our existence are in our power to control. Here's how.
1 – You aren't afraid of change
Yes, it's easy to blame the people involved in your past relationships, and yes it's difficult to let go of that. However, you learned that by forgiving people you can leave those problems behind.
Being unafraid of change enables and liberates you to move towards new goals in your life. This means that you are open to relationships and people that you might not have been otherwise because you have perspective.
You forgive people their misdeeds and allow more growth around you. Also, you can be afraid to let old habits die hard and other hobbies lay to rest because you can embrace new challenges.
You aren't afraid to burn that book that you didn't even like in favour of one you did. No one has time for time wasters, and while it's impossible to live an 'efficient' life, you are sensible about valuing your time.
You can embrace change on a personal and national basis too, thinking considerately and compassionately about the environment, social issues, and charity.
The key is proportion and not to feel fatigue with bearing the sins of the world. You can't end wars, but changing to oat milk and eating less red meat goes a long way to moving in the right direction.
2 – You don't buy into the 'capitalism as happiness' spiel
I know that self-care nowadays means something entirely different than it did a few years ago – hell, even a few months ago. Before, it meant taking time for yourself and maybe trying to exercise more and eating more vegetables.
Now, it's inseparable from all the big money conglomerates wanting to piggyback on the end of corporate buyers slugging it out to exploit consumers. We are, after all, customers first, human beings second in this world.
Now, self-care means buying a waffley twenty-dollar advice book. Subscribing to eight different wellness guru columnists and paying top buck for that super exclusive aerobic boxercise class that's 'guaranteed to save your life'.
But that doesn't sway you, because you've been there, done that. Forgive the capitalist system around you and the mistakes you've bought into and move on from them. You're advanced and awakened to the lies that they foster.
Forgive the world, it doesn't owe you anything. Move beyond it.