It's unlikely for anyone to intentionally lead someone on, as it's a cruel act. However, certain actions may make the other person believe that there's romantic potential when there's none. It's essential to avoid sending the wrong signals that may end up breaking someone's heart. To prevent this, watch out for these signs to see if you're unintentionally leading someone on.
1. You hang out with them for selfish reasons
Knowing that someone is attracted to you, but having no intention of dating them, can result in hanging out with them for an ego boost or to pass the time. Perhaps they're a temporary distraction after a breakup. Although you care for them, it may not be to the extent that they care for you, and this type of behavior can be a sign of leading someone on.
2. You always lie to them
You may lead someone on by saying what they want to hear instead of expressing your genuine thoughts, as you're a people pleaser. This behavior can make the other person feel better, but it may not align with your true feelings about them, your relationship, or your plans. Even if you don't lie to them directly, failing to communicate that you don't share their feelings while they continue to express their affection can also be a sign of leading someone on.
3. You flirt with them for fun
Teasing someone after getting them excited through flirting can unintentionally or intentionally lead them on. While flirting can be enjoyable and empowering, it may not be pleasant for the other person, particularly if you don't have genuine feelings for them. This behavior is particularly hurtful when you're aware of their feelings for you that you don't reciprocate. It's crucial to establish boundaries, regardless of how skilled you are in flirting, and to act responsibly and considerately.
4. You don't see them in your future
Yes, it is possible to lead someone on while casually dating them. For instance, if you're intimate with them or in the initial phases of a relationship, but aware that you don't plan on being with them for the long haul or that you're not compatible with them, it's not a positive situation. It's not necessary to view every person you date as a potential life partner, but if you recognize right away that they're not a good match for you, it's not helpful to feign otherwise.
5. You're quick to Ghost Them
Disappearing from someone's life for extended periods without explanation and then returning as if nothing happened is a clear indication of leading someone on. Going from texting someone daily to not even sending a single message in a month is problematic. The message being conveyed is, "I don't want to commit to you, but I want you to be available when it suits me."
6. You keep sending mixed signals
Avoiding the "what are we?" question by claiming that things are going well and labels are unnecessary is a clear sign of leading someone on. If you genuinely had strong feelings for them, you would be enthusiastic about defining the relationship. Instead, you're sending mixed signals that are leaving them bewildered. You bring them closer, but remain emotionally detached, which can be distressing for them.
7. You want someone else, not them
If you just broke up with your ex and are still trying to move on from them, or if you're hoping to reconcile with them while someone else has strong feelings for you and provides a listening ear, you may unintentionally be leading that person on. Even if you don't reciprocate their feelings, you're giving them false hope by not being truthful about your emotional state and hopes for reconciliation with your ex.
How To Stop Leading Someone On
1. Start by working on your self-esteem
Being truthful with yourself is the initial step in preventing leading someone on. Acknowledging that you may want people around you even when you have no intention of dating them due to insecurity is important. You may be using their company to mask low self-esteem and validate your existence, while inwardly feeling inadequate. To improve, you must focus on yourself, even though it may take time. Recognize that external validation is unnecessary, and work on building self-confidence.
2. Be honest about your feelings from the beginning
If you become aware that someone has developed feelings for you, but you don't reciprocate them, it's essential to have an open conversation with them. Avoiding the issue and hoping it will vanish on its own is unhelpful. Instead, be honest about your feelings and express your desires, or lack thereof, for the relationship. If you're only interested in a casual relationship, let them know and allow them to decide if they want to continue the connection.
3. You should take things slow
Avoid rushing into intimacy with him, and don't flirt with him excessively. Take it easy, as this allows you time to sort through your emotions and determine how you genuinely feel about him. Begin by building a friendship and move things to the next level only if it's suitable for both of you.
4. Ask them about their expectations
When your partner initiates the "What are we?" talk, avoid dismissing it. Instead, ask them what they hope to gain from the relationship. If they're seeking a long-term commitment and you're not, politely decline and avoid breaking their heart. Additionally, establish healthy boundaries to prevent either of you from repeating the same mistakes.
5. You should practice the golden rule
Empathy is essential. Suppose someone treated you the way you're treating your partner. In that case, it's likely that you wouldn't appreciate it. So, don't treat others the same way you don't want to be treated. The golden rule is straightforward: treat others the way you want to be treated. Avoid treating others like an option if you don't want to be treated that way.
