Are You A Fixer? 11 Signs You Think You Can Change Him

You are an amazing partner and a catch, but have you considered the possibility of being a F.I.G.? Being one can negatively impact your relationship and leave you feeling unhappy. Look out for these 11 signs that you may be a Fix-It Girlfriend and consider stopping this behavior.

1. You're determined to make the relationship work

Your boyfriend may not give any indication that he wants your help, but as a strong and determined woman, you enjoy tackling challenges. You believe that fixing his drinking, employment or behavior towards you could fix the relationship. However, be careful not to let your determination to succeed overshadow reality. It's crucial to focus on what's happening in the present rather than forcing a superficial relationship that is bound to fail. If your boyfriend isn't willing to change, your determination won't be enough to make him change.

2. You're super nice and overly helpful

You're the type of person who is always cheerful, kind, and willing to help others, whether it's giving your friend your shirt or helping your boyfriend with rent. However, you need to consider whether you're being too nice to the point of being a doormat. Your generosity shouldn't come at the cost of your own well-being. Instead of focusing on fixing others, prioritize taking care of yourself because that's the only thing you can control and change.

3. You believe he wants help

You may believe that you're not a Fix-It Girlfriend because your boyfriend genuinely desires and values your assistance. Nevertheless, he may recognize that you have a tendency to fix things, and he could be using that to manipulate you into being at his beck and call.

4. You're not a quitter

Choosing to leave your boyfriend without giving him the opportunity to improve and become a better person may leave you feeling like you've quit too easily. However, it's important to acknowledge that perseverance is a valuable trait in pursuing your aspirations, but when it comes to pursuing someone who is unwilling to change, it can be unhealthy.

5. You have strong relationship ideals

You may have a clear vision of how you want your relationship to be, including the perfect image of your ideal boyfriend. However, if your current relationship and boyfriend do not meet those standards, it is not your responsibility to try and make them fit. It can be draining and ultimately unproductive.

6. You're attracted to his baggage

While you may believe that you're drawn to your boyfriend, it's possible that you're actually attracted to his emotional baggage, issues, and the feeling of being needed by him. Rather than getting weighed down by his problems, it's wise to end things now before you invest too much and end up with nothing to show for it.

7. You know that he really loves you

It's understandable why you might want to stay with your boyfriend even though the relationship may have its challenges. However, it's important to recognize that trying to change someone you're dating is not a sign of love. In fact, it can be a form of martyrdom or manipulation. It's important to evaluate the relationship and ensure that it is truly based on mutual love and respect.

8. You lack boundaries

Your inability to set boundaries manifests in two ways. Firstly, you constantly compromise your own boundaries to cater to your boyfriend's demands. For instance, if you have a rule against lending money to partners, he makes you break that rule. Secondly, you tend to overstep your boyfriend's boundaries by getting too involved in his personal affairs. While you may believe you're helping him, it can come off as overwhelming. This behavior can also make it easier for toxic individuals to take advantage of you as you make yourself readily available to them.

9. You're often exhausted

At the end of the day, you appear exhausted with dark circles under your eyes and a lack of energy. Moreover, you seem to be getting sick more often lately, which could be attributed to stress. Being a F.I.G. involves a significant amount of stress as you work hard to help your boyfriend, which can ultimately take a toll on your mental and physical health. It's important to ask yourself whether it's truly worth it. In short, the answer is no.

10. You focus on his issues more than yours

Rather than focusing on making necessary changes in your own life, you may be preoccupied with resolving all of your partner's problems. This could be a convenient distraction that prevents you from working on yourself.

11. You've got low self-confidence

Consider how you feel when you're around your partner. Do you often feel a strong desire to be needed or loved? If so, it may be a reflection of your own insecurities rather than a genuine need in the relationship. Instead of seeking validation by trying to fix your boyfriend, focus on building your own sense of self-worth. It's an internal process that requires work, but once you feel confident in yourself, you'll realize that you don't have to go to extreme lengths to feel loved.