Being told you’re the crazy one is what most people who spend time with narcissists experience. At some point, you start believing them, so how do you get out?
You’re not losing your mind. You are just having a relationship with a very disturbed individual. The mask is already slipping, and you know something is going on. But the issue here is that a narcissist will play the victim card for as long as you allow it.
The mind of a narcissist
For someone who falls under the category of a narcissist, the relationship isn’t something lasting. It’s easy for them to jump into the next one, always leaving their previous partner drained and miserable.
These people use romance to gain something—power, status, or to feed their egos. You can’t reason with them since you don’t share the same mindset. That’s why it’s important to stay resilient until you know they are indeed out of your life.
For a narcissist, a relationship is a game. They need to win, and when they have you question your sanity, it means they are clearly winning.
Though they share traits with sociopaths and psychopaths, narcissists are far less violent, and they are using you to get something. However, the relationship is healthy, and leaving them is harder than dealing with their drama.
Some examples of game-playing are:
1. Ghosting (disappearing)
2. Going hot and cold
3. Making promises, they can’t or don’t keep
4. Lying or being hard to pin down
5. Being seductive and moving fast
6. Refusing to discuss the relationship
7. Flirting to make you jealous
8. Hiding you from friends and family
9. Withholding feelings or sex
10. Blaming you and playing the victim
The list goes on, but you can notice the pattern: it’s all about power and control, so really we can’t put love and narcissism in the same sentence.
Driving you into madness
They will provoke you, push your buttons, lie, and act all innocent. A narcissist truly enjoys confusing people, and for them, you’re nothing but an experiment.
They will make up conversations, plans, even harm themselves, to make you want to think you’re losing your mind. And all the time, narcissists will act like they are trying to save you and help you. That’s why you depend on them.
Listen to your gut instinct. You’ve been under someone’s spell, but you still have that little voice telling you that there’s nothing wrong with you, and it surely is the case: “it’s not you, it’s them.”
Stop responding to provocations, especially when you’re out and about. While you’re working on a strategy to leave them, stay calm, pretend as if you are broken. You are with a toxic person, so you do have to be creative and to play dumb, even to act like you’re a bit crazy.
Once you are ready and strong enough, dump them. Do it casually, and don’t respond to their texts. Let the outside world think you’re whatever they heard. You have enough time to fix your life, but your primary goal is to become whole again.
Don’t let them harass you or play you once again. Walking away isn’t that hard. But dealing with their poisonous post break up nature is. Luckily for you, they will bother you only until they meet their new target. Until then, stay strong and don’t let them get to you.