Published in Aug 2019 / Updated in Aug 2021
By a ‘narcissist’
To the one I ‘love’
I’m a narcissist. That makes what I am about to tell you a huge secret that someone like me would never tell anyone. So, pay attention.
I’d never say these things because it would change the way we relate with people. Our singular purpose in any relationship is to manipulate the other person in order to get the upper hand.
We make our burdens your problem. It’s what we do, and we are pretty good at it.
When the magical words ‘I love you’ leave my mouth, here’s what it means: I want to disarm you with guilt so that you do something for me.
People say ‘I love you’ for multiple reasons. But for a narcissistic man, here’s what these words actually mean.
1.”I love that you work so hard to make me feel I’m your world”
I love being the focus of your life, and that my happiness is your biggest concern. I love that I can so easily exploit your compassion. I enjoy how you make me feel superior to you although I never pass up on a chance to make you feel inferior to me. I think you are weak, and I love it. I love to gaslight you and drive you crazy as I bend you to my will.
2. “I love that I can make you focus on healing my pain”
You make me feel adequate, perfect, lovable, worthy of respect, and appreciated. I love it. But it’s not because it makes us closer. What matters is that you understand that your place in this relationship is tending to my every need. I love that you don’t challenge my sense of superiority. I deserve nothing but your admiration.
3. “I love that you are my tool”
I love how you make me look good, and make people jealous of me because of you. You uplifted my status, and that makes you a prized possession for me. I love how you make me feel and how hard you work to ‘prove’ that you are loyal to me. Narcissists love that.
4. “I love blaming you for everything”
Through you, I can get a sense of entitlement I don’t deserve. By blaming you, I cannot blame myself for my countless flaws. Through you, I can maintain my status. That’s why I love bringing you down. Any emotional stuff you share with me, I’ll use against you. I like to rile you up so that I can create situations you can be sorry about later. I’ll be sure to use the insecurities you share with me against you later. It’s just who I am as a narcissist.
5. “I love how easily I make you insecure”
I make you jealous of how easily other people get my attention. This means you do all you can to get the same from me. I like watching you wonder what you could be doing wrong not to enjoy the same attention friends and family easily get from me. This gives me power over you and makes you loyal to me.
6. “I love molding your opinions”
I like to manipulate you so that you think I’m good to you. That way, you can believe everything I tell you and depend on me for all things. I like being worshipped and adored and having the power to approve or disapprove of you. With this power, I can break you down and take advantage of your vulnerability. But no matter how hard you try, you’ll never make me happy.
7. “I love how your admiration of me feels”
As my biggest fan, you are my greatest admirer and so you never question a thing I say. That’s why I can’t stand it when you start to have doubts about me. I love that I’ll never have to repay all the love and admiration you have for me. I relish the control I have over you. My joy as a narcissist comes from denying you the pleasure you so much desire from me. The respect, warmth, love, and support you desire from me but can’t have is what fuels my narcissistic delight.
8. “I love distorting your sense of reality”
If I didn’t distort your sense of reality, you would realize how broken I am. You would see how undeserving I am of your love and support. That’s why I keep reminding you of all I have done for you and how unappreciative you have been. I manipulate you so you think I’m the good guy, and more importantly, to make you feel like the bad guy. That is why I can shut down any ideas that would make you look good at my expense. I do this to make you feel needy, controlling, and incapable of making the right decisions.
9. “I love that you are addicted to me”
I’m your drug. Despite how I treat you, you remain loyal to me. That’s because you are addicted to me. You are ready to give up everything just to have me and please me. I can keep you from anyone who would support you so you depend more on me. Even by doing the bare minimum, I can make you feel like I’m doing everything for you.
10. “I love hearing you say how much I hurt you”
When you tell me I hurt you, I feel satisfied that my tactics are working. It proves to me that you hurt as much as I do. With this pain to deal with, you can never get an upper hand in this relationship. I can never give in to your love.
This is a game I can always win because I make the rules. You can’t win me over with your love and care because such concepts have no place in our world.
And I’m comfortable in my world. So, thank you very much. I don’t need your emotional stuff.
I’m proud of being a narcissist, and I’ll not let anyone challenge that status. Forever manipulative Your Unrepentant Narcissist
PS: I desperately need help. But there’s NOTHING you can do for me. I need you as much as you need me after all I have done to make you dependent on me. Not even a therapist would have much of a chance with me.