Being single can be challenging. Rather than enjoying a glamorous lifestyle and being like your own version of Carrie Bradshaw, you find yourself swiping left and right, hoping to meet your soulmate quickly so that you can quit dating altogether. It's no secret that finding someone you connect with or even just tolerate is difficult, but sometimes, your approach to dating may be the reason for your struggles. Here's how you may be approaching dating incorrectly:
1. You're online dating like a numbers game
To some extent, dating is a numbers game. The more first dates you go on, the higher your chances of finding true love, or even a second date that excites you. However, it's also crucial to prioritize self-care during the journey of finding love. It's acceptable to take a break from dating after a string of bad dates, or limit messaging to one person per day to be selective about the type of person you envision yourself with, rather than settling for just anyone.
2. You make a decision within five minutes
We've all experienced it: You're barely into the evening, and you're already convinced it's a total waste because you have no interest in seeing this person again. While occasionally, our gut instincts are spot on, other times it may take up to three dates to truly appreciate someone's worth. It's essential to give people a fair chance - after all, you'd expect them to do the same for you, right?
3. You think about the end before the beginning
You're overly preoccupied with how to conclude your dates, to the point that you're finding it challenging to focus on the guy sitting across from you. Should you pretend to have had a good time, even if you're uncertain, with the expectation that he'll ask you out again? Or should you say "nice to meet you" (which feels like the kiss of death) to discourage him from pursuing you further? You assume that since most of your past relationships have ended disastrously, you're already anticipating an inevitable ghosting or breakup.
4. You turn down every second date
You've become accustomed to not liking anyone, and as a result, you've resigned yourself to the idea that all you'll ever get is a single date and nothing more. You're afraid of admitting to yourself that you have feelings for someone, so you either ignore their post-date text or make a hasty exit when the night is over. But what if you accepted any second date that came your way? Perhaps you won't end up seeing the guy again, but what if you do? That one word, "yes," could potentially change your life.
5. You've lost all hope
The world of modern dating is far from being a fairy tale. With swiping, texting games, and the uncertainty of how the other person feels, it's challenging to remain optimistic. However, this is no reason to give up hope entirely. If you're feeling disheartened, try approaching every first date as if you're going on a second date with the person. This straightforward shift in mindset will make you think that you're already interested in the person (even if you're not).
6. You get annoyed at the little things
None of us are flawless, and that includes our potential partners. At times, we become overly critical and fixate on trivial matters, becoming irritated by everything our date says or does. We judge them based on their drink or dinner selection, or we become frustrated when they check their phone, despite apologizing and doing so only once. However, if we focus on the big picture - who this person genuinely is - it can transform our perspective.
7. You want to control everything
As a strong and confident woman, you don't always have to be the one to choose the time and place of every date, whether it's the first or otherwise. It's perfectly fine to allow your date to make some decisions. After all, does it truly matter where you go if you end up meeting an incredible person?
8. You have an idea of how it should begin
The beginning of every relationship is unique. Sometimes it starts platonically, while at other times, mutual friends introduce you, or you both swipe right. Some couples spend all their time together after the first meeting, while it takes others a month or even six months to realize they're meant to be. If you can let go of preconceived notions about how a relationship should start, you'll have a better chance of finding one.
9. You refuse to change your lifestyle
Finding "The One" is a life-changing event, and that's what we all desire. However, there's a distinction between changing your life and changing your lifestyle - such as Sunday brunch plans with your BFFs, yoga class, and binge-watching Pretty Little Liars. While it's perfectly acceptable to continue doing what makes you happy, don't overlook the opportunity to develop new traditions with your partner that you can both enjoy.
How To Stop Dating All Wrong And Start Doing It Right
1. Loosen up and try not to overthink
Excessively worrying or obsessing over minor details won't bring about any significant changes. Therefore, it's important to let go of being overly invested in the end result and appreciate the process. If things don't work out as planned, you can always return to your previous methods. So, there's no harm in trying a fresh perspective.
2. Keep an open mind and date outside the box
Having a rigid idea of your ideal partner may be contributing to unsuccessful dating experiences. Consider being open to options that don't initially meet all your criteria. It's worth exploring new possibilities, as it could be a valuable learning experience. At worst, it may confirm what you thought you wanted from the beginning.
3. Let go of expectations
Setting high expectations for dating only leads to disappointment for yourself. Investing too much emotion early on can be detrimental. Allow things to progress naturally and avoid getting ahead of yourself. It's natural to feel hopeful, but it's important to adjust your approach to avoid disappointment.
4. Give people a chance to surprise you
Potential partners may not approach you because your strict requirements may be off-putting. Consider relaxing your standards and give a decent person a chance. If it doesn't work out, you can always adjust your strategy. It's important to make an effort to improve your dating approach if it's not working.
5. Stop getting frustrated every time a man pulls BS
Finding the right guy may take a lot of dating, so it's important to accept that fact. However, it's unlikely to happen if you spend your evenings alone on the couch. If a guy behaves inappropriately, don't get upset, simply move on and continue your search.
6. Learn to spot red flags sooner
Not dating at all prevents you from practicing the skill of recognizing warning signs. It can be frustrating to discover a guy's flaws too late, but with each experience, you become better at identifying them. Progress may be slow, but it's still worthwhile to make the effort to date and improve your abilities.
7. Don't fixate on it anymore
Achieving a balance in your dating life is crucial. It shouldn't be your top priority, but it also shouldn't be completely disregarded. Many people approach dating in extremes: either fully invested or not interested at all. It's important to strive for a functional and balanced approach to dating.
8. Don't let strangers disappoint you
You might be giving people you hardly know too much influence over your emotions. It's worth considering why you're granting them that power. Viewing the situation from a different perspective can be transformative.
9. Force yourself to be realistic
Your romantic ideals may have created the notion that the perfect partner will effortlessly appear in your life. However, it's time to acknowledge that it's unlikely to be that simple. You may dislike dating due to past negative experiences, but it's crucial to shift your perspective.
10. Look past the image and see the person
A person may seem perfect based on their profile, but chemistry may be lacking in reality. Alternatively, you may have a strong connection with someone you wouldn't have expected. To find the right match, it's essential to remain open and allow your heart and intuition to guide you.
11. Figure out your non-negotiables
You may have an extensive list of deal-breakers when it comes to dating, which may limit your options. It's crucial to be more realistic while also identifying the essential qualities you desire in a partner. Striving for balance is key.
12. Go with the flow and let it occur naturally
The key is to cherish your life and live in the moment. As you strive to create a fulfilling life for yourself, remain open to opportunities and possibilities. Trust that things will fall into place naturally without the need for excessive force or control. Let things unfold as they are meant to be.