After facing several disappointing dating experiences and feeling utterly fed up, I contemplated giving up on men altogether, contemplated switching to being a lesbian, and even thought about getting cats. However, these solutions were not practical for me as I enjoy the company of guys, girls don't attract me, and I am allergic to cats. Eventually, it dawned on me that the answer to my problem was to simply stop dating altogether. In this article, I'll share my experience of what happened when I made this decision and why you too should consider doing the same if you find yourself in a similar situation.
1. Say goodbye to paranoia
Let's face it, dating can turn anyone into an obsessive mess. Are you constantly worried about why he hasn't texted you in days? Or if you're the only one he's seeing? Or if he's only interested in sleeping with you? It's exhausting to be constantly stressed about these things. But once I quit dating, all that stress disappeared and it felt amazing. So if you're tired of being anxious and worried all the time, maybe it's time to take a break from dating too.
2. You literally start to glow
One unexpected yet crucial point to note is that dating can lead to stress, which in turn can cause weight gain, headaches, reduced confidence, and even acne. I personally have no interest in dealing with any of that. In fact, I'd say the radiance of being single and not caring about changing that anytime soon is akin to the glow of pregnancy. You simply shine like a diamond, without the baby. And honestly, what's not to love about that?
3. Focusing on work/hobbies/friends becomes easier
Let's be real, dating takes up a lot of brain power. A part of your mind is always focused on staying in the game, whether it's answering texts from guys at work, during dinner with friends, or even during yoga class when you should be focusing on your practice. But when there's no one to tend to, you can finally focus on yourself. Personally, I've found that since quitting dating, I've accomplished so much more and have built stronger relationships because I'm not actively seeking one with a guy.
4. You spend less time trying to be flawless
Let's be honest, dating can consume a lot of mental energy. A part of your brain is always focused on staying in the game, which can be distracting when you're answering texts from guys during work, dinner with friends, or even during yoga class when you should be focusing on your practice. However, when there's no one to tend to, you can finally focus on yourself. In my personal experience, quitting dating has allowed me to accomplish more and build stronger relationships because I'm not actively seeking one with a guy.
5. Guys who weren't into you suddenly are
Have you ever noticed how you always seem to want what you can't have? Well, apparently men can sense when you don't care about them and it makes them want you more. It's crazy but true. For example, I went completely off the radar with all the guys I was talking to, and within a month, they were suddenly interested in my life. Even guys that I hadn't tried to be involved with before were suddenly all about me. I have no idea what to do with this newfound power because I'm not someone who usually has guys clamoring for my attention. So if you want a little ego boost, try cutting them off and see what happens.
6. Becoming a 'down for anything' person is possible
Sometimes, when we invest in dating, life tends to take a backseat. It's not intentional, it just happens passively. We go to certain places because the guy we're interested in might be there. We say no to things because we're waiting to hear back from him/them about potential plans. We give up a lot of our time for men. However, quitting dating can eliminate that passive distraction. You'll be surprised at how much free time you have and how easy it is to say 'yes' to life.
7. You don't have to pretend anymore
This is a big one, and it still bothers me. I spent years mirroring the interests of my love interests. But quitting dating helped me realize that I claimed to like a lot of things that I wasn't actually interested in. I remember a guy I was interested in loved Queen, so I became a Queen fan (unpopular opinion here) even though I hated Queen. I still hate Queen. But I tried faking it till I made it, and guess what? I never made it. I wasted so much energy for nothing. Now I know all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody, and it kinda annoys me.
8. You discover new interests
In the past, I gave up pursuing my hobbies and interests because I believed they would repel potential partners. But that's just messed up, isn't it? Since quitting dating, I've discovered a love for hiking and all things outdoors. The guys I was previously interested in were just bums who spent their time drinking at football games, breweries, and lakes. By trying to mimic their interests, I never truly enjoyed myself.
9. Loving yourself takes on new meaning
It's a common tendency to measure our worth through others' opinions, but we can't truly love someone until we love ourselves. Bouncing from guy to guy while trying to fix dating issues isn't healthy. Not dating isn't that hard, and men will still be there when you're ready.