I've never understood why people cheat. To me, the solution has always been simple: if you want to be with someone else, end the relationship. I never wanted to be a homewrecker, but somehow I found myself falling in love with a married man and becoming the other woman. It was a tough lesson to learn, but I gained some valuable insights from the experience. Here's what I learned:
1. Marriage isn't for everyone, but nearly everyone still does it
Marriage is often viewed as a big event or a milestone, rather than the serious commitment it really is. Many people get caught up in the excitement of the wedding or feel pressured to tie the knot, without fully considering the lifelong implications of their decision. As a result, they find themselves stuck in unhappy marriages with children they didn't plan for, simply because they didn't have the courage to say no to marriage or to get out of it when they realized it wasn't for them.
2. My ideal of marriage is still true
After observing my parents' successful 40-year-long marriage, I firmly believe that a marriage can work when both partners are committed to making it work. Therefore, I won't approach marriage with the attitude of "if things don't work out, I'll just get a divorce." Such a mindset overlooks the fact that marriage requires effort, dedication, and compromise from both individuals.
3. There's no shame in going through his phone
I find it puzzling how men who have something to hide can be so reckless with their phones. Despite being married, my partner didn't hide our relationship through code names, passwords or hidden texts. When he revealed his marital status, he explained he was attempting to leave his marriage, and I believed him. However, if you suspect infidelity, checking your partner's phone can reveal hidden truths lurking beneath the surface.
4. Guys will use their marriage to play the sympathy card
Although I initially wanted to end things with him after discovering he was married, I decided to hear him out. He confided in me about feeling pressured into marriage after his wife got pregnant, and how their relationship had deteriorated. Hearing his struggles tugged at my heartstrings, and I empathized with him deeply. In my opinion, marriage should be a partnership between two people who are also each other's best friend. I felt sorry that he was stuck in a loveless marriage, and my compassion for him only intensified my feelings towards him. I wanted to provide him with the kind of marriage he wasn't getting from his wife.
5. There's such a thing as emotional cheating
Initially, I tried to break things off with him because I knew it was morally incorrect to continue seeing a married man. However, my love for him proved stronger, and I found it hard to cut off all contact with him. As a compromise, we continued talking, but I made a conscious effort to avoid seeing him in person. Despite not meeting, our connection remained strong as we texted each other for hours and had deep conversations on the phone. It was as if his marital status didn't exist, and I continued living in a dream-like state until I reached a breaking point and couldn't resist seeing him again.
6. Even though you don't want to admit it, it is all about sex
I refer to it as the "star-crossed lovers" syndrome, where the universe seems to dictate that you cannot be with someone, but you desire them even more intensely, even when they're not suitable for you. In my case, our inability to be together only fueled my attraction towards him, and the sex became mind-blowing. It was an out-of-body experience that left me feeling spiritually awakened. However, the high quickly faded when he couldn't stay and left me alone in bed, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Gradually, sex became the only connection between us.
7. I started to have more sympathy for her and not him
The memory of that moment remains etched in my mind. He had spent the entire day expressing how much he missed and desired me. Later, out of curiosity, I browsed through his wife's Facebook page, and it was filled with pictures of her, her husband, and their children, along with declarations of love for her family. At that moment, I had a realization. Despite my deep affection for him, could I justify taking away another woman's happiness? It was a jarring realization, and I could no longer live in the bubble of being a mistress. It was no longer a mistake; I had willingly put myself in that position.
8. You can't always blame the "other woman"
I firmly believe that every story has two sides, and I considered myself lucky because I knew both perspectives. The wife, on the other hand, was unaware of my existence and likely never would be. However, I made a conscious decision to stop being an accidental homewrecker and walked away for her sake. Even though I never want to be in her shoes, I hope that if I were, the "other woman" would do the same and give me the chance to salvage my marriage without any distractions. It's essential to ask the real question: can we work things out?