Narcissists are incredibly self-absorbed humans; they live their lives using tricks, mind games, and manipulation. These days it seems there is no escaping these people. Narcissists have many disguises and are not afraid to use them to get what they want.
According to W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., head of the University of Georgia psychology department "You can look at individual scores of narcissism, you can look at data on lifetime prevalence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you can look at related cultural trends, and they will all point to one thing, Narcissism is on the rise"
You may have been brought up by a toxic parent or made a massive error with your choice of partner, or a wrong friend choice. Or you can be stuck with a narcissistic work colleague. Most of us, at some point, have dealt with the fallout of escaping the clutches of mental abuse.
If any of you reading this have been lucky enough not to have encountered a narcissist, I hope it always remains that way for you. If you have been in this situation, or are still going through this, below is a list of 7 things that you can take as a given, you will never get from a narcissist.
Things not to expect:
1. Sincere Compassion
Oh, they will put on the show if there's an audience. Showing kindness, asking how you are, pretend to care. The reality is, it's all a front, they're not interested, for the simple reason, it's about you, not them. They've no interest in anything that doesn't revolve around them. They may show you understanding and compassion, but really when it comes down to it, they are careless, and it is just a front. Especially if there is some recognition in it for themselves, then they really bring on the act and role play. Be wary of their unexpected kindness or them being helpful to you because there is surely something in it for them, so be prepared to pay for the kindness.
2. Won't Listen To You
Again, they'll go through the motions and pretend to listen but the reality is, they're not interested. They genuinely believe they are more important and superior to others; they don't care for your troubles. There is very little compassion, empathy, or remorse from a narcissist. They're never wrong; it's all your fault. They look at you as someone they can manipulate to get them what they want, and don't you dare question them. To a narcissist, your issues are trivial; their's are far more important. You should get on with it, but at the same time, be there for them and their many needs and demands.
3. Nothing Comes For Free
The narcissist loves to play the manipulation game. There is always gameplay with them. If a narcissist has ever done you a favor, you can be confident they will be back for a return favor. Nothing is ever done from the goodness of their heart. You might not hear anything about it straight away but be warned they will jump you out of nowhere and expect you to return the favor. Payback will be demanded at some point. Expect a considerable backlash if you're not willing to return the favor.
Nothing is ever a narcissist's fault; they never hold themselves accountable. Even when faced with facts, they still manage to twist it back around on you. If you confront them with something they've done to upset you, they turn it around that it's you that's too sensitive or overreacting. They will talk you around in circles and add total confusion into the mix, all to deflect everything away from them. Firmly placing all the blame at your feet. A narcissist plays the victim or innocent party; any move they can, to avoid being the guilty one. You may call them out for something they have done wrong, but end up being the one in the wrong for accusing them of such behavior.
Just like you will be waiting to hear the words "I'm sorry," "thank you" is something you won't hear either. It makes no difference how much time, energy, and attention you give them. They expect that from you, in their eyes, it's what you should be doing anyway because they're the most important. The only things they bother noticing are all the faults and flaws. You will never be able to do enough for them, no matter how you try. On the other hand, if they do something for you, they expect a massive fanfare of gratitude from you.
Ego and narcissists go hand in hand; they are incredibly egotistical and manipulative. They are self-absorbed and only think about their needs, wishes, and self-serving demands. Don't expect any attention from them, unless of course, they need something from you. In which case, they will bring out the charm and flattery to get them what they need.
7. Be There For You
Be prepared to be disappointed every time if you expect a narcissist to be there for you. A narcissist will promise you the moon and the stars to get you into their clutches. When you finally fall into their web of lies, you will be met with a completely different personality. They require you to be there for all of their needs, however, when the tables are turned, and you need some help, consider them unavailable.