1. You’re overly sensitive or you’re overreacting

It is not you who is sensitive, but the other person who is incredibly insensitive and unkind. This person does not give a damn about your emotions, and they get some pleasure from seeing your feelings hurt. People who have been subjected to this gaslighting technique often wonder if they are too sensitive. It’s because these people focus on your reaction, not what caused it, which should be more relevant.

2. Just let it go/why did you bring this up

The abuser means that he did a heinous thing, and you have not had time to process it but he wants you to get over it so that I can move on to the next terrible thing they plan on doing to you. They also don’t want you to realize that there is a pattern of abusive behavior unfolding.

3. You need help/you’re insane/you have serious mental issues

This phrase, common among narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, is simply intended to make you think you are the one who has mental health problems, not them. They are simply trying to make you feel guilty for their crazy behaviors. The statement also helps them evade a scenario where they have to be responsible for their horrible behavior. They try to put the blame on you instead. Some of these abusive people will even deliberately push their partners to the edge in order to prove to them that they are crazy.

4. Am not the problem here, you are

The abuser is saying this: I understand I am the problem, but instead, I would rather convince you the problem is you. If you buy it, you can focus on doing things right while I continue to do the wrong things and get away with them.

5. I never said that, you are making things up

I want you to doubt your perceptions and memories and confuse you about the abuse you have suffered at my hands. Repeated lies tend to seem like the truth over time.

6. You’re just insecure/jealous

What this means is that I love giving you reasons to be insecure and jealous and making you question your attractiveness, personality, and competence but I don’t want any questions about it. The idea is to make you fear losing me, despite the fact that I act inappropriately, have affairs and flirt around.

These people entertain attention from any suitors, as they thrive on attention, and then when you react, they say you are controlling, jealous or insecure.

7. It was only a joke/you have no sense of humor

Essentially, this means that I have a twisted sense of humor whereby I like to put you down and say mean things to you, but I don’t like you reacting to it. Also, making you feel terrible amuses me. This is different from harmless teasing which requires some rapport and mutual exchanges. Instead, you get abused constantly and are then convinced you are getting offended because you lack a sense of humor.

In General

To avoid being a gaslighting victim, you should see these traps of self-doubt. You need to spot these toxic individuals from miles off so that you can avoid their crazy conversations and behaviors which distort your sense of reality. Also, always have self worth and trust yourself, if your gut is telling you something is off, trust it. Keep a record of any texts or communication between you once you have left. You may need this as back up, it’s their word against yours and they are professional manipulators. You can also consult a therapist if necessary.