If you find yourself saying “yes” more times than you say “no” chances are, you’re a yes-person.
You may feel the need to say yes. In other words, agree to every favor or task at work, social-circle, or even at home. Consequently, you compromise on what you want or believe in, in terms of thoughts and feelings.
All in all, saying yes when you want to say no is pretty much a disservice to yourself.
We’ve all at one time said yes when we meant no. The reason behind it is beside the point. However, below are 6 tips and tricks to stop you from making yes-person kind of decisions:
1. Acknowledge The Problem
Firstly, come clean and acknowledge that you’re a yes-person.
Secondly, what pressures you to say yes? That is the reason as to why you never say no.
More often than not, we believe that we are perceived as kind, respectful, or merely likable when we agree to things instead of disagreeing.
Moreover, we fear that we’ll hurt our friends or family when we turn them down.
What is the fear that drives you to agree all the time?
Recognizing the root of this fear is a step closer to stopping people from walking all over you. You’re not a doormat.
2. You Have Options
Whenever asked to do something, don’t hasten to say yes.
It’s not a command. Therefore, you have options.
Don’t agree to do something simply because you’ll “let someone down.” Chances are, people know that you’re a yes-person. Because of this, try to manipulate you to do things that nobody would otherwise accept.
Moreover, take time to weigh your options. You have the power to say yes or no. Don’t agree blindly. You may end up regretting it later.
Furthermore, you’re not the only one who can help. Certainly, there are other people they can ask.
3. You Have Priorities
Research shows that the more you say yes to other people’s needs and tasks, the more you say no to what matters to you.
That is to say, you put people’s needs before your own. Surely that’s no way to live.
You find yourself doing what your colleagues or friends want to avoid disappointing them. Do you stop to think, “What do I want?”
This is where a conscious decision to stop being a yes-sayer comes in. Start by making a list of priorities. Then follow it.
If asked to do something that doesn’t fit or align with your priorities, kindly say no.
You best believe that you’ll feel rejuvenated and happier afterward. Phew!
You’ll begin to wonder why you didn’t start prioritizing way earlier.
4. Practice Saying No
Easier said than done, right?
No is such a foreign word. Especially when you have the constant desire to please everybody. However, it’s necessary.
If you don’t like something or it makes you uncomfortable, why should you support it in the first place?
The truth is, you can’t please everyone. Therefore, you better get used to turning people down.
Also, there are many ways of saying no. For instance, “I can’t make it to that event.” Or “I can’t come to lunch. I’ll have to take a rain check.”
Be assertive in your tone. Also, don’t be a Debbie-downer. It’s okay to say yes. For instance, to attend a friend’s bachelorette party even though you’d rather stay in or watch a football game with your sibling or dad. Some things are worth doing.
5. Avoid Justification
Don’t give a reason behind your action or decision to say no. You can’t be forced to do something you don’t want to do. You have free will.
A simple no is enough. Don’t push it with reasons and excuses. For instance, “I can’t come to the baby shower; I have a doctor’s appointment. I’m sorry.”
First of all, why are you apologizing? So what if you can’t make it to brunch? Or you don’t want to go to happy hour? Don’t be sorry.
Embrace your own volition.
6. Don’t Worry About the Aftermath
Often, we avoid saying no because of what people will think or say. You tend to think that you’ll ruin relationships and friendships. Consequently, you allow people to manipulate you.
Don’t stop and think, “Jeez! I turned her down. She’s probably devastated!” Guess what? She’s probably not.
It’s likely when you say no, people understand and move on. Stop racking your brains on what they may be thinking. If there’s a fallout, then they were never really your friends.
To sum up, nobody likes people pleasers. You may think that you’re making people happy by telling them what they probably want to hear. In reality, you pass off as untrustworthy and unreliable as well as annoying because of dishonesty. That is to say, you’re rarely candid or frank with your thoughts and ideas.
People value honest, genuine opinions regardless of how unpleasant they may be. Don’t be a people pleaser. Lean into the new possibility of not having other people’s issues and feelings hanging over your head.