Sure, you share a biological bond that can never be broken. But that does not mean you have to put up with their crap. If they are out to derail your life and abuse you, then it’s time to let them go – and that’s nothing to be ashamed about.
But, What if it’s Family?
Basically, these are the closest relatives, and they also happen to have the greatest influence on us. They are our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and so forth.
The problem is that a family member might not become a friend, they can actually take the position of very formidable foe.
Instead of asking yourself countless questions, you should first come to terms with the fact that not everyone in your family can be counted on.
Not everyone is worthy of the tag ‘family’ as some of them are out to harm you and otherwise make your life hell.
In these situations, you have to accept that family is nothing more than the DNA you share. Regardless of the amount of love you show to these people, you will end up worse because they are out to hurt you, which is not something you need in your life.
In case you think you are in such a relationship, here are some signs you can use to know for sure if there is a toxic family member you need to cut off from your life.
1. They love drama
You will spot this person by the fact that they will love drama and enjoy other people’s misery. They will even reveal your secrets for their own amusement. To them, compassion is a very alien term, and they create drama from other people’s lives for the heck of it.
They might even ruin long-standing relationships between other family members using lies just to create some drama. As long as they can get a reaction off you, they are happy, even if it means butchering your self-confidence and self-esteem. This involves being humiliated in public or in front of other relatives.
2. They play good/bad cop with you
This person will lash out and be over the top over something towards you. The next moment, they might smother you with affection so that you feel like you are dealing with two totally different people. Deep down, these people are bad and they use their good side to draw you in again, so that they can mistreat you once more.
This can damage your mental health to the point of requiring the services of a therapist.
3. They are judgmental
Of course, you should be accepting of constructive criticism, but when the criticism is focused on you and not the issue that has caused the problem, that’s something else. A judgmental family member will seek to lower your self-esteem and belittle you. The problem is that such people will feel like they have a right to make such attacks on you because they are blood and ‘you can’t get rid of them.’ Maybe you can’t, but you can distance yourself from them and have a more comfortable life.
4. They gaslight you
This is a form of emotional abuse that makes you question everything and might even make you think you are losing it. When a person gaslights you, they make you feel incapable, paranoid, oversensitive, and even unstable to the point where you start to believe it. For instance, they will say something and then flatly say they never did so, making you doubt your own memory.
5. They only get in touch when they need something from you
When this family member comes to you, they need emotional or material support. However, when you are in need, they practically disappear off the face of the earth or even become an obstacle to your need for assistance. And when you don’t lend a hand, they might try to blackmail you or sabotage your life in one way or another.