I remember my marriage being on the rocks many years back, only to realize later we had just fallen for many popular relationship traps. I knew many couples in the same boat: just going through the motions and not really finding any happiness in their marriages.
But that's not to say marriages cannot be happy. And yes, I know how challenging a married life can be for any couple.
However, I have realized one important truth: sometimes, there is nothing wrong with the relationship. It's usually our expectations that are misplaced.
Relationships go through ups and downs, and that's normal. So, often, when we think things are now working out, we are just going through a normal part of a marital relationship.
The problem is that many people get into marriages expecting perfection. And when we cannot achieve it, we think everything is doomed and start phoning it in.
One thing I realized is that marriages can be happy even when they are not perfect. With that, here are some relationship traps you need to avoid to make your marriage happy despite the imperfection.
1. Fights Mean The Marriage Is Failing
Research shows that fighting or not fighting makes no difference as far as happiness in marriages is concerned. Even marriages where couples don't fight fail.
So, what does that tell you about fighting with your partner?
Fighting means that you need to work on your problem-solving skills. It's not a sign that the marriage has run its course.
In fact, many conflicts help couples understand each other better and live better with each other. That is why, for a couple that is learning to communicate properly and take care of each other's needs, the fights decline over time.
2. Marriages Don't Work Anymore
Now that divorce rates are skyrocketing, many people are buying into the misguided notion that marriages don't work. But remember, when 50% of the marriages fail, just as many succeed.
Some people believe that marriage means an end to freedom, romance, sex, and everything good about a romantic relationship.
But marriage can be really happy and rewarding if you take the time to understand what it's about.
3. Marriage Isn't Hard Work
Some people think marriages are very difficult. That's simply not the case.
Based on this belief, many people stop bothering when things get a little hard, thinking it will take too much effort to get things back on track. The truth is that challenges in relationships should make you sit down and consider what's wrong.
Instead, many people just walk away. But giving up on your commitment to each other is the worst mistake you can make.
4. You Have To Make Each Other Happy
Marriages are generally tougher than most people expect, and it's because many don't realize that no one has a responsibility to make another happy. At the end of the day, happiness is a personal responsibility.
What you can do is make sure you are not the source of your partner's lack of happiness.
And even then, leave some room for when you drive each other crazy because it happens. But that does not mean your partner is your problem.
But understand that it's your responsibility to make yourself happy in this life, not your partner's.
5. You Have To Marry Your Soulmate To Be Happy
There many couples who believe they married the only person they should have ever married in this life. You might be one of them, which is okay.
But don't let the fact that you don't think you married your soulmate become a problem in your marriage.
Once you are married, forget the notion of having a perfect partner, even if they are your soulmate. No one is perfect.
Whoever you choose, accept that you have to work to make the marriage happy. However, natural the love between you and your partner is. Without effort, the marriage will eventually crumble.
See! There are so many relationship traps making people ruin good marriages, hoping for perfection.
Marriages are not too hard, outdated, or always perfect. But they can be happy if you make that your goal and if you avoid these relationship traps.