The first 3-4 months of dating are primarily fun, intense, and full of make-out sessions. But, once that infatuation’s over, you hit five months of dating or 6, things start to change.
It’s approximately at that time that you two know whether it has the potential to be more than just a fun-loving fling. And, it can make one or both of you scared.
But, there are more factors to include in that time frame – 5 months of dating. It raises the question “Where are we going,” or “Where is our relationship going?” It also raises issues like falling in love, intimacy, accepting each other flaws, and more.
So, instead of focusing on what makes a couple passes that five-month dating period, we shall check out for the red flags. If you can’t pin any of them on your relationship, there’s a chance that you found yourself a long-term mate.
Meet the enemy of dating: average dating window
Statistics says that most relationship end between 3 and 5 months of dating.
Five months marks the first real “I love you,” and as you approach your six-month anniversary, there are bigger chances of making it social media official.
Similarly, you’re most likely to start leaving your toothbrush in this time frame since you’re comfortable enough to show your imperfections to your partner.
There are so many things happening in the first five months of dating that it’s no wonder many decided to call it quits before things get even more serious.
But, in this average dating window, family and friends get to know your partner, and you learn all their annoyances as well as their hidden talents. What will it depend on numerous factors, each couple is different than the next.
It doesn’t matter whether you fit the statistics. However, what matters the most is that the two of you are doing things at the same pace.
Now, let’s do some check-up to see where you stand: will it be happily ever after or hitting Splitsville.
Breaking up after five months of dating
Take away long walks on the beach, picnics, all the initial small gestures. That happens around the fifth or sixth month of your relationship.
The masks are off. You’re dating a person, and your crush, lust, passion for them, might not transfer well into your usual, normal life.
Though it may sound harsh, not to mention sad, it’s okay to think things through when you hit that milestone: dating for 5 months.
Will you move in together? Will you end it before things turn south? Check out all the red flags that you might be facing, and if your relationship doesn’t fit any of these obstacles, you are among the lucky ones. Here’s where the truth lies:
1. Too many options, not enough time
We have so many options these days, and let’s be honest: we’re quite an impatient generation. We want it all, now or never.
Dating in the XXI century can be exhausting, and if you’re a hustler by nature, you won’t settle until you find someone who checks all the boxes.
Some people think that 4-5 months of dating means they are ready to get married. Others simply want to stay in an open relationship.
So, what shall it be? When you’re out of that initial idealistic phase, you get to real, honest talking. And you might realize that you’re on very different paths.
2. Great expectations
When you have so many real-life and online dating options and know what you want, will you settle for anything less?
No one is saying that having high standards is bad. In fact, it’s always easier to deal with someone who knows what they want.
But, after 5 months of dating, you might wake up and see your partner in a whole different light. The moment your fantasy becomes a reality might end up with a breakup.
Broken promises plus losing your pink-tinted glasses are a sure way that you’re not meant to last. If you wanted to be someone’s center of the world, and they can’t give you that now, they won’t do it in another five months either.
3. Getting to know the deal-breakers
During the first months, you can’t stay away from each other. Clearly, no matter how good the sex is, you get to know someone’s everyday habits, and yes, sometimes, deal-breakers.
As times go by, you realize that you can’t get over certain things. Don’t blame yourself or your partner. You simply weren’t a good match.
Perhaps he or she is a poor tipper, or he loves dogs but can’t stand cats. It can be something trivial or something huge, like your guy enjoying adult movies while you find them degrading, or your girl gossiping about celebrities all the time.
It could be that your partner’s too busy with their friends, and you know that you need to feel like a priority.
Whatever it may be, your honeymoon period in a relationship is over. If you have a list of deal-breakers, there’s no reason to change your beliefs for someone else.
4. Was it falling in love or in lust?
Yes, it’s roses and unicorns when you’re in your romantic bubble, but is it physical or beyond that?
Tingling or butterflies in your stomach aren’t linked to love. It’s all about those sexual hormones, so what truly matters is asking the hard question: “Am I in love, or do I just like having this person around?”
If you’re making plans and connecting on various levels, it might be the real deal. Couples who want to avoid the five months dating curse should be in sync.
These lust hormones start to fade away after a few months, so if you haven’t found a connection outside endless makeout sessions, it’s time to wrap it up.
5. Money Talk
We know that money’s the root of all evil. It could also end your relationship.
Perhaps you’re just noticing that your partner’s cheap or that they love to spend a bit too much. Now, that is something we usually don’t talk about in the early stages of a relationship.
But, after dating for five months, it’s time to get your finances in order. You are no longer thinking about paying for a dinner or a weekend trip. You are thinking long-term, and it includes sharing values regarding your income.
It’s a dreadful conversation, but the sooner you start talking about money, the better. After all, if you’re planning to live with someone, to go from casual into serious dating, you need to know pretty much everything about their life. And that includes money.
The five-month itch
Let’s just say that dating for five months can go in a heartbeat. But, what happens after might not seem as carefree.
If you did all the things correctly, like met your family and friends, talked about your feelings, and determined your status, chances are you are out of the woods.
However, if you recognized any of the red flags it might be best to end it.
Staying with someone because you don’t want to be alone is harmful. Similarly, staying in a relationship because you can’t handle any more first dates is just as silly.
If you break up, it doesn’t mean that you didn’t have feelings for each other. It does, however, mean that you are not on the same pages and that it’s better to end on a high note.
Remember that saying by Maya Angelou:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
If you can’t make it work now, how do you think to manage big life changes, stresses of everyday lives, or hard, personal moments?