Okay, so I love a good romcom as much as the next person. Probably more, to be honest. So, I know how it goes down: boy meets girl, boy is unable to express his affection for her, girl makes the effort to connect, they fall in love.

Or do they?

What happens when girl meets boy, boy gives mixed signals, and girl eats a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s while she laments her love life?

Well, the solution to any and all problems is of course to watch a romcom with the gals (or, alternatively, alone, with popcorn in buckets).

Here’s a handy list for you to check whether or not you need to get the romcom on the telly (in 30 reasons or less…)

  1. He doesn’t prioritise you
  2. He still has his ex’s number
  3. He still calls his ex
  4. He still has feelings for his ex (can you track the narrative that I’m building here?)
  5. He doesn’t make an effort to meet your friends – “They’re so annoying” – suck it up, Steve.
  6. He makes fun of something or someone important to you
  7. He dismisses your favourite show and refuses to watch it
  8. He never responds to your texts or hilarious facebook tags (that heartless idiot)
  9. He never answers his phone but expects you to be waiting for a bootycall at all hours of the night
  10. He never dresses up for your dates
  11. He comments on your weight or appearance
  12. He makes you feel insecure about expressing passion for things that you enjoy
  13. He is careless with your belongings (and heart)
  14. He boasts about you to his friends in a derogatory way (or worse still…)
  15. He hasn’t introduced you to his friends
  16. He hasn’t told you anything about his past, and he’s made no effort to introduce you to parents
  17. He refuses to give you a drawer in his flat (it’s been five months, Darren!)
  18. He expects you to cook and clean for him but makes no effort to reciprocate (it’s all about giving and receiving, Tim!)
  19. He is ever violent or aggressive with you – I’m serious on this one, if it happens once, it will happen again and you will eventually think it’s normal and he’ll think it’s acceptable. It’s not. Period.
  20. He always flakes on plans if a better alternative comes along
  21. He won’t give you his phone password – not always an indicator, but if you can’t even talk about why he’s private about his phone then (not to sound like your man-hating aunt) he’s probably hiding something
  22. He lies to you – even small white lies, if he’s constantly deceiving you or not giving you his honest opinion or the facts about his life, then he doesn’t respect you.
  23. He acts as though you are always available but wastes your time and doesn’t appreciate how much you prioritise him
  24. He constantly brings up stories about what his exes did for him (sexually or in other respects) – this callous attitude shows that he doesn’t value your presence now, or, probably, his past relationships. Either way, he either is ignorant to (or simply doesn’t care) that these stories are hurtful and a form of emotional blackmail.
  25. He is never around when you need him – if he’s unpredictable and unreachable, it’s probably intentional. That’s not what you need, you’re better than that.
  26. He never asks you out; you always have to nudge him
  27. He never cleans the house – you aren’t his mother; he isn’t 12.
  28. He insults you – there’s no place for rudeness
  29. He constantly expects sex but doesn’t offer emotional intimacy. It’s not one or the other, pal.
  30. He doesn’t listen to you. That’s the kicker. If he isn’t interested in communication, learning about you, or being able to satisfy or anticipate your needs, then that’s really the moot point of a relationship. It’s got to be a two way street, and if he isn’t pulling his weight, or you feel neglected, he likely knows exactly what he’s doing.

In short, if you feel that you are being kept at arms length and don’t feel comfortable with him – and there is no communication to clarify these grievances – then, I’m sorry, Ginny:

He’s just not that into you.

(and he’s kind of an asshole)