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Can non-attachment be the secret to unconditional love or a road to indifference? Let’s learn more and find out how by not being attached, you can improve your love life.

When you hear “non-attachment,” you most likely think about detachment, an unhealthy way to grow the relationship. Though they sound similar, these phrases are very different. Non-attachment is a practice of not being clingy yet being a thoughtful, caring partner. It’s time to include this old Buddhistic approach to life into your relationship.

The fear

Being non-attached is a common expression in meditation practices. It’s a way to stay present while not thinking about the future or the past. All we have is now, and nothing lasts forever.

Non-attachment can be a difficult thing to learn since you have to learn to let go of expectations and what was. It’s essentially the absence of fear that you’re going to lose another person. And that what makes this whole story more interesting. If you aren’t afraid to lose someone, you can love them for what they are now, and if or when things don’t work out, you’ll still be able to hold onto the most crucial person in your life. Yourself.

We often keep people in our life because we’re afraid to let go. We pretend, play certain roles, all to avoid losing that someone special. But if you’re not honest in your relationship, if it’s based on fear, is that really love?

Codependency

Unlimited love is independent of the object of affection. There’s no need to share everything, and it’s a non-clinging attitude toward a person. You are still you, despite being in a couple. 

There’s no forever, or always in non-attachment. There is only the present moment, which means the two of you and whatever comes next won’t bring bitterness, anger, and resentment. Codependency is fearful, obsessive way of tricking yourself into loving a person. While it’s something we learned as children, there’s no need not to respect our uniqueness as adults. 

 Intimacy issue

Since we are so desperate to love and to feel love, people have this tendency to live with someone for ages and not know their deepest desires. They simply never got or gave a chance to the other person to be emotionally connected. Why? Because of all the expectations. But non-attachment is built on profound engagement.

If you can let go of the person you love, you can fully listen to them and hear what they have to say. You are allowing them the space to change, learn, and grow. When you do this, you also give yourself the space to listen and respond genuinely. This is what becomes a deep source of maturity and intimacy. 

Though it’s a strange concept, it’s not new. Non-attachment is a more transparent, simpler way of living, and always being able to enjoy the moment. And when you have someone to share each moment with, while showing them your feelings, without any concerns, that’s when you’ll discover the ultimate, unconditional love. There’s no “I love you because” or “I love you but…” There’s only “I love you.” 

If you want to practice becoming a better partner, start meditating. With time, you’ll feel inner peace, which will lead to further improvements. And one of the most important is becoming a more reliable partner, someone understanding, caring, yet anything but clingy.