It can be said that one of the facts of life in modern-day has one golden rule: you can't be alone. Charles Dickens said it. The Bible said it, hey, the Kardashians probably said it.
But it's a lie. We can and we should be alone more often than we feel like we can. People think that it's a sign of weakness or a signal that you are alone unintentionally.
But that's not true. It is not just a sign that no one wants to be with you. It's an act of empowerment. The thing is, we're taught that co-dependence is power, and sometimes that is true, yes.
But sometimes we need a moment of quiet reflection. Or a few moments. Maybe you even need the whole week to realize how good and self-sufficient you are.
Here are three amazing things that can happen when you let yourself be alone.
1 – You realize who you are outside of other people
One of the most important things that we can learn about ourselves is the importance of autonomy. We don't just exist in relation to other people and being a people pleaser or a doormat isn't all we are.
It's not that being in a relationship completes you or that anyone relationship will be bigger than you. Or will totalize you, or even know you better than you know yourself.
That's not true. When you're alone you give yourself time to learn about yourself. You free up mental space and emotional mainframe, which allows you to unlock parts of yourself that you didn't realize were out there.
2 – You will realize what you want and what makes you happy
When you aren't thinking so hard about making other people happy or thinking about what other people would want you to do, you will feel more fulfilled. There are no two ways about it.
It's a matter of letting yourself unapologetically enjoy things, embracing old hobbies, trying out new things. It expands your horizons and ensures that you can be exactly as well-rounded as you know you can be.
When you're in your own company you can be yourself. But you just have to figure out who that person is first, and it takes time and patience.
3 – When you're calmer and stronger, you will be more ready for a healthy relationship
It does just what it says on the tin. If we know more about ourselves, we learn more about our needs and wants and limits and expectations. Therefore, we know more about the most appropriate course of action.
You can avoid the difficult part of relationships that become too interdependent by learning more about how to live on your own terms. You don't need to think about how to get your sense of validation through someone else.
You know who you are in yourself, independent of another person. Because of this, you know how to make yourself happy, and you know how you can unpack emotions to acknowledge things that you're dealing with.
All relationships benefit from this, romantic, platonic, filial…
It means you are able to support yourself, and better participate within a new relationship, the best of both worlds.
It's not just a 'spend two hours alone on Friday one time' situation. Being alone and remaining satisfied and fulfilled is a long, learned task. It's difficult but very important, and very worthwhile.
You don't rely on other people when you're comfortable being alone, and that's amazing. You aren't on your own, but you are capable of being happy alone. You can acknowledge healthy relationships and be a stronger person for it.