How do you know you have a toxic person in your life?
Below are the three common mind games of toxic people. See if you know someone who behaves like this.
Once a person proves to be toxic, do not ever think you can change them. Even a professional therapist is unlikely to impact their behavior as most toxic people are too arrogant to admit they have a problem.
Toxic people have a personality and mental disorder, it’s as simple as that. The last thing you need to do is ruin yourself by trying to save them, it just doesn’t work that way.
Now that we have that clear, here are the three mind games toxic people love to play with you.
Game #1: Gain, Preserve or Acquire Control
Toxic people must be in control of you and everything around them—if they don’t have that control, they have nothing.
If they can get you to make a particular response that they want, this gives them power over you and that is exactly what they are looking for.
Toxic people crave the need to have control everywhere; at work, home, parties, you name it. That’s the venue of control they want but be warned if they can’t get it, they will increase their efforts until they achieve total control over you.
An example being if they can’t control you at work as you don’t work in the same place. They will insist on taking you to and from the workplace, meeting for lunch, not to have some quality time together, but to use their toxic actions on you to wear you down. So that when you go back to work in the afternoon, you are left thinking of nothing but what they have said to you.
Game #2: Guilt-Tripping
Toxic people have to make you feel insecure, as your insecurity makes them feel superior.
Unless you do what they want you to do, they will lay a guilt trip on you until they see you suffering and feeling guilty. They will call you names, discredit you to others until they are satisfied that they have brought you down and that you believe you have done something wrong.
Examples of this can be:
Male – “You’re so frigid” to make you feel guilty and give in to his need for more sex.
Female – “You’re so sexist” to make you behave how she thinks you should.
This is an unhealthy way to communicate and you should not allow them to play such mind games on you.
Game #3: Shaming and Disqualifying
Toxic people love to bring people down. They get a real buzz seeing those in their target zone suffering, especially if people they’re surrounded by feel miserable. They will actually feed on that to make the situation even worse.
They love to play mind games. They will express their anger by looking at you in a certain way in public if they catch you doing something they consider inappropriate. When in fact you have done nothing wrong, they just enjoy seeing your fear.
They are waiting for you to make a mistake, the second you do they shame you or point out that what you’re doing is wrong. If you mention something related to politics or religion, for example, it could be all they’ve been waiting for to make you feel ashamed of your views. Then when you defend your beliefs they will say “Sometimes you are so oversensitive” or “It was just a joke, chill.”. They are insulting you. It’s like they purposely enjoy hurting you, by shaming you and disqualifying what you have said.
Do any or all of the above games sound familiar?
You may be a victim of a toxic person, there is a huge possibility that a toxic person is a victim of another toxic person and it just goes round and round, that does not make what they are doing to you right!
Only you can make the decision to leave or stay in the relationship/friendship but put yourself first, you owe yourself that much at least.