Narcissism

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother
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Sadly, in this life, there are times when your mother is to blame for the poor relationships you have with her, your siblings, or other people. This is what you get when your mother is a narcissist.

Having a narcissist for a mother can result in a lot of psychological damage. The effects of this toxic influence are usually evident in adult children of such parents.

In case you have been wondering if your mother is a narcissist or not, here are 25 signs that she most likely is. Let's have a look at some of the most telltale characteristics of a narcissistic mother.

1. Conditional Love

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

One of the things that separate mothers from practically all other people you will ever meet in your life is their unconditional love.

Mothers are known to stick with their children regardless of what happens to them. Even when the entire world turns against you, your mother is usually there to offer her love and support.

So, when you realize that your mother only loves you under circumstances that benefit her, then yes, you have a narcissist for a mother. Such moms get angry, upset, and even vindictive when you can't do what they want.

2. No Respect For Boundaries

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

A narcissistic mother will not know she has overstepped her boundaries. She can force her opinions down your throat, and intrude into your personal life, disrupting it and causing you a lot of pain and distress.

So, if she does not seem to understand your boundaries, she is clearly showing one of the more common characteristics of a narcissistic mother, and you need to be careful.

3. She Likes To Gaslight You

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Do you feel like your mother drives you crazy all the time? She might be gaslighting you.

This psychological abuse is very common among narcissists. It is, therefore, one of the major characteristics of a narcissistic mother.

She can gaslight you by lying about her behavior, criticizing your emotional reactions, and pretending those seriously hurtful things she did to you were "jokes."

4. She Always Plays The Victim

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Narcissists usually want all the positive attention on them, even when they have done terrible things. That is why this is one of the most powerful characteristics of a narcissistic mother.

When she is in the wrong and she knows she is responsible, she will try to turn things around by making you feel sorry or sympathetic towards her. For instance, she might say something awful to you and then accuse you of always misunderstanding her.

5. She's Unpredictable

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

You can never really predict what you will get with a narcissist. Their emotions are often all over the place.

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If this description fits your dear mom, then she is exhibiting one of the main characteristics of a narcissistic mother.

A narcissist can demonstrate unpredictability concerning affection and attention. In particular, you will realize that you will only be on her good side when her needs are the focus.

For instance, she might be very nice when she is going through something in her life. However, when the tables are turned, she might not offer you a listening ear.

6. She's A Pathological Liar

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Are you always suspicious of what your mother says? If so, she might be exhibiting one of the more powerful characteristics of a narcissistic mother.

Narcissists lie to ruin relationships and manipulate to make themselves look better. The lies are usually a coverup or a distraction from some horrible truth about them.

7. She Has Favorites

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

One of the most disturbing characteristics of a narcissistic mother is choosing favorites among her kids. Not only does she favor one child, but she also tends to pick another as the scapegoat.

She forces everyone in the family to help out the favorite child, and those that can't end up on the receiving end of her wrath. Even when this favorite child does something wrong, she gets off scot-free.

In the end, the children end up never getting along. This is made worse by the fact that the favored child thinks the mother is perfect while other children think she is a terrible person.

8. She's Very Petty

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Pettiness is one of the characteristics of a narcissistic mother. This means she can act in a childish manner, such as getting hurt so badly over the smallest issue.

She can also try to "get even" whenever you wrong her. So, if you do something that pisses her off, she will make sure she revenges by doing something to hurt you as well.

9. She Ruins Your Relationships

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Healthy relationships can be very difficult to achieve for children of narcissistic mothers. One of the most popular characteristics of a narcissistic mother is found in her ability to destroy relationships.

They love disrupting relationships between siblings and their significant others because they feed off the drama and the pain.

10. She Never Cares For Your Opinion

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

A narcissistic mother will have a problem acknowledging or understanding your opinions unless they match her own. Rather than accept that you can see things differently, she will instead try to criticize or manipulate you into agreeing with her.

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11. She Feeds Off Your Pain

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

This is one of the most disturbing characteristics of a narcissistic mother. It is the reason these parents are often called emotional vampires.

Many narcissistic mothers are sadistic, which means they can deliberately hurt their kids because they enjoy seeing them in pain. She can bring up painful topics and then pretend that she was messing around.

The truth, however, is that she wanted to hurt you because your pain satisfies her twisted desires.

12. She Projects On You

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Projecting means being made to feel like you are the issue when you are not. For instance, when she does something bad, she can make you pay for the mistake instead.

So, if she is heavier than she would like, she might deny you food to keep you thin.

That is why one of the characteristics of a narcissistic mother is a tendency to do horrible things to their children based on things they hate about themselves.

13. She Is Untrustworthy

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Narcissists cannot be trusted, which is why untrustworthiness is among the most obvious characteristics of a narcissistic mother.

Since they are always lying, these parents cannot be trusted with anything. They will often not meet their responsibilities, but will instead find ways to blame their failure on someone else.

Ironically, when you fail in any way, they can get extremely angry and exact revenge.

14. Incompetency

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

As surprising as it might sound, incompetency is one of the most obvious characteristics of a narcissistic mother. Since she is used to manipulating people into doing things for her, she tends to be pretty ill-equipped to handle many things on her own.

For instance, she might not know how to throw you a nice party after your graduation since she has never taken the time to learn what it takes to do something nice for someone.

15. She Belittles You

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Although narcissists know how to use praise to win their victim's trust, they can also be very critical. So, if your mother sometimes belittles you, especially after heaping praises on you moments before, then she may be a narcissist.

She might even belittle you in front of other people and then turn around and say it was just a joke.

16. Comparisons To Other People

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25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Narcissistic mothers like to compare their children to other people's kids. They can also compare them to other siblings, peers, and even neighbors.

Such comparisons can wreak havoc on your self-esteem, which is why narcissistic mothers love them. After all, making others feel bad is what makes them feel better.

17. Insecurity

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

By their very nature, narcissists are very insecure. So, a lack of self-esteem is one of the characteristics of a narcissistic mother you should be on the lookout for.

This insecurity makes them put others down all the time and manipulate their most vulnerable kids just to make themselves feel better.

18. She "Parentifies" You

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Making you feel like a parent is one of the characteristics of a narcissistic mother. These parents heap parental responsibilities on their kids, and may not provide things like medical care, enough clothing, or other basic things the children need.

She can also stop caring for your needs as soon as you start making some money, even if it might not be adequate to meet your financial needs.

19. She Loves To Terrorize

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Fear is one of the most effective tools narcissists use to control their victims. So, one of the characteristics of a narcissistic mother is her ability to cause terror.

She can punish you severely for the slightest mistakes. For instance, she might refuse to give you food because she feels that you "eat too much."

20. She's Very Manipulative

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Manipulation is one of the characteristics of a narcissistic mother. She can be quite subtle in this regard.

For instance, she might demand that you be at her every beck and call, and when you fail, she might make you feel selfish even though you have your own life to live.

21. She Is Overly Defensive

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

We are not perfect, and we might get a bit of constructive criticism from time to time. Even parents get feedback from their kids and respond positively.

However, one of the main characteristics of a narcissistic mother is her tendency to get violent, angry, or irritated whenever she hears something negative about her behavior. Simply telling her you prefer one thing over another can make her very abusive.

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22. It's Always About Her

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Narcissists love attention, and a narcissistic mother is not above being in the spotlight at the expense of her kids. She might celebrate a lot of small milestones in her life just to keep the focus on her.

However, when it's not about her, she will not be as excited.

23. She Is Only Nice To You In Public

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Narcissists tend to have two different personalities. She might be horrible to you when you are in private and then treat you well when you are in public.

So, be on the lookout, this is one of the subtle characteristics of a narcissistic mother. It's normal for our loved ones to treat us a little better in public, but if she is downright cruel and hateful when it's just the two of you, then it might be because she is a narcissist.

24. She Competes With You

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Normal parents will often make sure that their kids achieve more than they ever did and take a lot of pride in that. Narcissistic parents, however, don't behave in the same way.

A narcissistic mother will try to compete or even sabotage you to keep you from surpassing her. If you are a daughter, this can get bad as she will compete with your beauty and femininity even more aggressively.

Signs that she sees you as her competition would include calling you vain, stupid, or selfish to make you feel that you have not achieved much in life despite your success.

25. She Is Very Controlling

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

Control is one of the more obvious characteristics of a narcissistic mother. Narcissists thrive on control, and they can lose their minds when the reigns are in someone else's hands.

If your mother gets angry or hostile when you try to assert yourself and gain some control over your life, then you might have a narcissistic mother. She will use guilt when you try to express opinions and desires she does not agree with.

What Should You Do When You See Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother In Her?

25 Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Mother

If you can see many of these characteristics of a narcissistic mother in your parent, then there are a few things you can do to protect yourself. Narcissists are toxic, even if they are mothers.

It is not possible to have a healthy relationship with one, which is why talking to someone about the relationship can do you a lot of good.

Certainly don't confront her about her behavior, because narcissists never change unless that can benefit them. More importantly, such a confrontation will likely make things worse between you and her, which is the last thing you want.

You can also try to reduce contact with her, as that means getting less exposure to her toxicity. Otherwise, you can accept the fact that your mother is a narcissist and learn to live with that without taking the horrible things she does to you personally.

That said, make sure you don't lose your self-esteem in an attempt to keep a narcissistic mother in your life. Take a break when you need to, because your mental health is very important. Don't let the neglected and manipulated inner child inside you ruin your adult life.

Additionally, beware of narcissistic mothers and hoovering. This is whereby such moms try to establish contact with former victims (especially their children) to keep the cycle of abuse alive.