I think I speak for the majority of the population when I say that, when it comes to ex-best friends, fake friends, and frenemies – we’ve all been there.
It generally can go one of two ways, either the two of you grew apart when you left for different universities. Or when you changed jobs and it was a mutual inability to prioritise each other, or there was a betrayal, abandonment or abusive situation.
I’ll cover all of these and more as I regale you all with 20 examples of quotes that my various ex-best friends have said to move over the years.
In hindsight, the fact that I have that many examples is worrying – but that’s what I’m here for, to pass on my experience and ensure that you guys can recognise the difference between a Friend and someone that doesn’t actually care a jot about you.
1. You’re wearing that?
2. Text him!
Sounds fine right? It is, largely. Except she’s talking about your ex and you’ve both had too much to drink and she’s really just sabotaging your social life and disrupting the harmony of your relationships. She’s likely insecure or unsatisfied with her own life and tries to life vicariously through you doing things she would never do herself.
3. No, don’t bother applying for the promotion, they’ll never pick you.
Keeping you in place, competitive to a fault.
4. I don’t want to go anymore; you can go alone, though!
Careless attitude, no man left behind operates for the military and is the first rule of friendship.
5. Your treat.
She never pays for anything. It’s fine sometimes to not have the means to pay, life happens – however, she makes just as much money as you and doesn’t seem to value time spent with you as worthy of spending her own money. Hmmm
6. Has anyone ever told you that your nose is crooked?
Why is that something that she tells you? If someone that you consider to be your best friend is commenting on your appearance in a negative way or making you feel less than, they are being either spiteful or careless. Possibly both. The golden rule: if you can’t fix it in five minutes, don’t mention it!
7. Don’t you think you should put some make-up on?
Don’t you think you should shut up, Stephanie? It’s none of your business how I look – I know that when we go out you don’t want me not looking my best to drag the average down, but you also don’t seem to want me to be confident or attractive either! You can’t win.
8. Sorry, I forgot that you were interested, I’ll make sure you come with us next time.
They conveniently forget to invite you to things and know exactly what they’re doing when they do it.
9. Hey, your bother is super hot.
Okay first of all, ew. Second of all, haven’t all the good rom coms taught you that family are off-limits? Third of all, ew, again!
10. Ew, is your sister, like, okay? Why does she hang around you?
Don’t be RUDE, guys.
11. How much do you earn?
She’s clearly insecure.
12. You went out looking like that?
They make you feel guilty
13. Hey, guess what I found out about (classmate who you don’t know very well).
What’s a bit of gossip between friends, I hear you ask, well the issue here is the breakdown in trust and the fact that it betrays a malicious and busy bodying side to their personality. This can lead too:
14. Do you want to know a secret about (close friend)?
Clearly anyone is fair game for their gossip now. Don’t expect to be the exception. You won’t be.
15. Trust me.
Oh that’s a whopper of a lie. The worst thing is that you won’t know it until they let you down, but they will. In a big way, that even you can’t excuse.
16. I’m just going to crash on your sofa for a few weeks, btw.
17. You don’t mind, do you?
Ah, looking back, you realise that, like all the dodgy but effective politicians, your previous best friend was a big fan of using rhetorical devices to switch the narrative. You remember them from English lit, right? This means that, even though it is likely an unreasonable request, such as the above ‘staying over for two weeks, uninvited’, it’s framed in such a way that ‘yes’ is always the default answer, and you have to actively say ‘no’. Despite the fact that ‘no’ or at least ‘what?’ is the more appropriate response, this introduces a pressure for you to respond a certain way. More specifically, this can also be a form of …
18. Peer pressure.
‘Here, take these. Everyone’s doing them’ – no thanks, that’s toxic
19. Emotional manipulation or blackmail.
No need to explain that one.
But the biggest tell of all? The most conspicuous quote that betrays a bad friend who neither values your wellbeing nor expends any effort to support you?
If they’re never around when you need them then they simply are not your friend.
You will not lose much by stepping away and keeping your distance from them if they wrack up the scores on this list.