Before, I used to feel guilty every time I declined sex because I thought I was being selfish. However, I now understand how wrong that belief was, and here are some reasons why I stopped feeling that way.
1. My needs and feelings matter too
I have come to realize that it's not about me being selfish, but rather about having different needs. It may appear to my partner that I'm making excuses to avoid having sex, but that's not the case. I can't control how I feel, and I don't want to force myself into doing something I'm not comfortable with. I am not a machine, and my emotions are genuine and deserving of respect.
2. I'm about to have three kids under five
Juggling my two young kids and being pregnant with a third keeps me busy all day, making my days quite challenging. While I adore being a mom, it's undoubtedly more demanding than what my husband experiences during the day, which is why I look forward to a break when the kids go to bed. I believe I deserve that time to rest and recharge. Sex should not only revolve around what my husband desires.
3. I can't take any more touching and I don't feel guilty
By the end of the day, I'm often too exhausted to be touched by anyone, including my husband. Though I love him, I typically need some alone time. After having my kids cling to me all day, I don't mind the closeness, but I simply can't handle any more physical contact. I don't believe I should feel guilty about needing space.
4. I'm so damn tired and I just need rest
In the past, school or work would exhaust me, but now, with children and pregnancy, I'm fatigued on an entirely new level. I'm simply too drained to attempt sex at night. Instead, my husband and I typically wait until he's home during the day and the kids are napping to have sex. As a result, rejecting him at night isn't a significant issue.
5. Sometimes I don't feel sexy and that's OK
Occasionally, my insecurities get the best of me, and if I'm not feeling good about myself, then I don't want to engage in sexual activity. It's especially difficult when I'm pregnant because I don't feel like a sexual being at all. Feeling overweight and constantly uncomfortable doesn't make me feel attractive. It's not something I can control, so I've learned to stop letting it affect me.
6. I already have enough to stress about
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I find myself constantly worrying about everything, and it's only become worse since having children. I've stopped worrying about turning down sex because it's just another thing to add to my list of concerns. Stress can have a negative impact on your sex drive, so fretting over not having sex is counterproductive in any case.
7. My emotions get in the way but that's normal
It's not uncommon for a woman's emotional state to significantly impact her libido, as women's sex drives are inherently more connected to their emotions than men's. This is simply the way our brains work. If I'm not feeling in the mood, it's likely because I'm not in a good emotional state or don't feel connected to my partner. As I can't change my natural tendencies, I've learned not to get upset about things beyond my control.
8. There are other things I need/want to be doing
After my kids go to bed, I have various household chores to catch up on, bills to pay, and preparations for the next day to make. If I'm not being productive, I like to relax and unwind by watching TV or reading a book. To be honest, I usually don't even consider sex during this time.
9. I've realized everyone's sex drive is different
It's normal for my husband to have a higher sex drive than me because we're two different people, and it's also typical for males to have a higher sex drive than females. Sexual desire can vary depending on what's happening in our lives, and every couple experiences normal fluctuations in their sexual activity. Therefore, there's no need to feel guilty about differences in libido or natural ups and downs.
10. Doing it when I'm not in the mood doesn't turn out well anyway
When I'm not in the mood for sex, it's not enjoyable for either of us. It feels forced, and my husband can always tell. Sexual intimacy is more satisfying when we both genuinely desire it. However, we can still be close and intimate with each other in other ways. After all, sex isn't the only way to connect with our partner.
11. My partner loves me regardless
My partner and I have been together for a long time, and he loves me no matter how frequently we have sex. I'm grateful for that. Therefore, there's no point in worrying about it excessively, as it only creates unnecessary stress in our relationship and makes the lack of sex a bigger issue than it needs to be.
12. It's not like we don't ever have sex
Our sex life is fantastic, so it's not as if I'm denying my partner sex altogether. Since I've stopped feeling guilty about occasionally saying no, it has had a positive impact on both my life and our relationship. I feel less stressed, and I believe we actually have more sex now that I don't pressure myself unnecessarily. There's no justification for feeling guilty about saying no.
