When a guy asks me out and I'm not interested in dating him, I tend to use a variety of excuses to turn him down, even though a straightforward "No, thank you" would suffice. Whether the reasons I give are completely truthful or not, they always seem to be effective in deterring unwanted attention and keeping undesirable individuals at bay.
1. "I need to focus on myself right now"
As cliché as it may sound, there are times when I genuinely need my own personal space. It's not a lie - I often feel the need to prioritize my time and energy on myself. There's nothing wrong with that. Fortunately, in most cases, guys tend to comprehend this and respectfully withdraw.
2. "We're better off as friends"
While I may technically be placing them in the friend zone, I'm still communicating that they are valued individuals whom I want to maintain a relationship with. Men often become overly upset about being friend-zoned, but it's simply a means of acknowledging their attractiveness and eligibility while not necessarily being romantically interested in them. This way, I can avoid dating them without completely dismissing them from my life.
3. "I tend to ruin lives"
Consider this a cautionary tale. If someone were to date me, their life would likely spiral out of control. By informing them that I'm bad news, I'm actually doing them a favor. They shouldn't involve themselves with a person like me, as I have a history of being in complicated relationships, and I'm fairly certain that I'm the root cause of those issues. It's not that I'm malevolent, but rather that I have a tendency to attract trouble.
4. "I have some issues that I need to deal with"
This excuse tends to work like a charm. When I employ it, people often perceive me as a tortured artist with a slew of commitments to attend to. They might imagine me working tirelessly to support the homeless person sleeping on my floor. Since they are unlikely to inquire further, this excuse is nearly foolproof.
5 "I just got out of a long-term relationship"
The old "I'm not ready" line - I've used it countless times. Even though my breakup was six months ago, I can still act as if it's affecting me. Saying "there's no telling how long it's going to take for me to grieve this out of my system" is usually sufficient to deter them from contacting me again. That's precisely what I was hoping for...
6. "I'm not into guys"
While this approach may not be as effective with men I'm acquainted with, it works wonders when it comes to random strangers who are attempting to get my phone number. In fact, they tend to react quite amicably. They don't feel rejected, and I don't have to deal with any unsettling come-ons. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved.
7. "I don't feel a spark"
Although it can be difficult to say, on occasion, I opt for complete honesty and employ this excuse. Sometimes I simply want to be authentic and say, "Hey, I'm just not feeling it." More often than not, they respond by admitting that they weren't all that interested in me either and just wanted a casual encounter. I'm relieved that I avoided a potentially awkward situation.
8. "I'm not in the right headspace to date"
Is it really so terrible that I don't want to date at the moment? Sometimes, I'm simply not in the mood. There's no particular reason behind it - I just don't feel like it. Perhaps I'm going through a tough period, or maybe I don't think I deserve love and attention at the moment. Whatever the cause, I'm going to enjoy my own company for a while, and that's perfectly fine with me. Initially, they may be perplexed, but it doesn't take long for them to comprehend and move on from me.
9. "I'm too busy"
Between my hectic schedule and all my responsibilities, I barely have time to eat, let alone go on dates. As enjoyable as it may sound, I simply can't afford to be gallivanting around town, sipping wine and falling in love. Unfortunately, most men aren't convinced by the "too busy" excuse, so I make sure to never be available when they want to hang out and delay responding to their messages to reinforce my excuse if I end up using it.
10. "I'm still not over my ex"
Admittedly, this one is tough, but it's also effective in shutting things down quickly. I'll mention that I don't feel a connection, but instead of attributing it to our chemistry, I'll pin the blame on my ex. It's the perfect excuse - it's not my fault, it's his!
11. "I really value our friendship"
Honestly, when I say this, I really mean it. Maybe by expressing how much their friendship means to me, I can persuade them to stop pursuing me romantically and just see me as a friend. It's not a guaranteed solution, but it's a much more comfortable conversation than a straightforward rejection.
12. "I think you're really awesome, we're just not compatible"
Sometimes honesty is the best policy. We often hesitate to say this, but it's what we truly feel. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes they just don't match up. It's not an insult, and I've found that most guys appreciate a more logical explanation rather than just a simple "I don't like you."