Dating can be a challenging puzzle to solve, especially when you consistently attract the wrong types of guys like players, jerks, and commitment-phobes. These are the guys who cannot seem to stay faithful, are not ready to settle down, and toy with your emotions. But, contrary to popular belief, good guys do exist, and there are ways to attract them and avoid wasting your time with the wrong ones. However, before you can do that, it's crucial to understand why you keep attracting the wrong types of guys in the first place.
Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Guys
1. You're not hanging out in the right places
If you're seeking a quiet, thoughtful, intellectual man, chances are you won't encounter him at a frat bar. To meet men who share your interests, you must place yourself in environments where you're likely to find them. Consider what you're seeking and proactively seek it out.
2. You're a hermit
It's a straightforward truth: if you're antisocial, it's unlikely that you'll attract a guy into your life. If you're continually avoiding social situations, how can you expect to meet someone? Love cannot be found while in isolation. Even if you meet someone online, meeting them in person is essential for a real connection to form.
3. You don't have a big enough social circle
When all your friends are in relationships, it can be challenging to meet new people, especially those who are trustworthy and engaging. Meeting someone through your social network is ideal because your friends can vouch for them, providing a level of assurance that they are not a complete jerk. However, if you don't hang out with many people who can introduce you to new people, this can become a significant challenge.
4. You aren't meeting guys who share your interests
As a wilderness enthusiast residing in the city, it can be challenging to meet like-minded individuals. Even though you enjoy museums and shows, you often only come across women and gay men. Moreover, working at a sports bar surrounded by bros is not your ideal situation. Perhaps it's time to make some adjustments in your life to create space for the right guy to walk in. After all, living or working in a place that doesn't align with your soul is not worth it.
5. You spend too much time at work
While you may have something in common with the guys at work, dating a coworker is a recipe for disaster. Since you're not willing to take that risk, spending most of your time there without finding a partner can be frustrating. If you have a demanding job that takes up most of your time, it can be challenging to find opportunities to meet potential partners.
6. You spend too much time at home
You cannot expect to meet a man if you spend all your time lying on the couch with your cat and a book. While relaxing and watching television is enjoyable, it won't help you find a great guy. Meeting someone worthwhile takes effort and requires stepping out of your comfort zone. You don't have to spend every night at a club (and maybe you shouldn't), but it's worth making an effort to meet new people.
7. You're just not being yourself
Finding the right man for you is impossible if you're not authentic and true to yourself. Pretending to be someone else is pointless because, eventually, you'll grow tired of it. Besides, if he doesn't appreciate the real you, he's not the right man for you. Instead of wasting your energy, accept and love yourself, and have faith that the right man will do the same.
8. You're not engaged in stuff you really care about
Are you spending your time doing what you truly want to do? Living your life half-heartedly is something you might regret later. So, go out there and do what you love. Ensure that you enjoy your existence to the fullest. When you do things that you genuinely enjoy, you are more likely to meet like-minded individuals, including men.
9. You have girly hobbies
Unfortunately, it's true that spending most of your time at yoga and ceramics studios reduces your chances of meeting eligible straight men. However, it doesn't mean you have to change your interests. You need to accept that these venues are not the best places to find your soulmate and diversify your activities to increase your chances of meeting potential partners.
10. You're super shy
While the right guy will understand and accept your personality, it's challenging to meet him if you don't give him a chance. If you're looking to meet the right guy, you must be receptive, even if you don't want to be the one taking the first step. Don't make it too hard for him; give the poor dude a break. Remember that he can only do so much.
11. You're insecure and it shows
If you don't believe you deserve the guy you want, you'll never attract him. Why would he believe you're the right person for him if you don't believe it yourself? To attract the right man, you need to have quiet inner strength and self-confidence. It's not about bragging about yourself; it's about knowing that you deserve a wonderful partner in your life.
12. You don't know how to talk to guys
To keep a guy's interest, you can't just sit there quietly. You have to be willing to be yourself and open up, even if it's scary. If he can't appreciate that, he's not the one for you. When you meet the right guy, he'll respond positively to your vulnerability and authenticity.
13. You're not comfortable
If you feel jittery and can't be yourself with him, it's a sign you're not attracting the guys you want. Being uncomfortable in your skin won't help you meet the right guy.
14. You don't know what you really want
Finding the right guy won't just happen by chance. If you're not sure what you're looking for, you could be missing out on some great opportunities. Take some time to figure out what you want in a partner so you can recognize it when it comes along.
15. You're scared to go after what you want
The problem is not entirely without hope, but it remains significant. You may have a clear idea of what you want, but the fear of rejection and pain is holding you back. Love always carries some level of risk, but the potential rewards make it worth pursuing. Without giving it a try, you'll never know what could be.
How To Start Attracting The Right Guys
1. Choose yourself first
To find a fulfilling relationship, start by working on yourself. If you don't love, respect, and value yourself, you'll continue to attract partners who perpetuate negative cycles. Aim to become the best version of yourself to attract men who are also striving to be their best selves. Remember that we often accept the love we think we deserve, so the more you value yourself, the higher the caliber of partners you'll attract.
2. Be intentional about what you want
Determine your ideal partner and non-negotiables, and be clear about them. Avoid sending mixed signals about your preferences. When meeting potential partners, be straightforward and express your thoughts. Don't be afraid to speak up, as staying silent won't help you. Be honest and authentic to yourself, instead of trying to cater to someone's ego or expectations. This approach will assist you in filtering out unsuitable partners.
3. Revisit your dating parameters
My friends used to joke that I had a habit of dating men who would ruin my life, but it wasn't until I changed my standards that my dating experiences improved. You may not be attracting the right person because you're focused on superficial qualities like height, beards, or abs instead of essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and respect. Shifting your focus to these fundamental attributes can enhance your chances of finding the right match.
4. Invest in your life
As you wait for the right partner, focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself. Are you employed and financially stable? Are you content being alone? Quality men seek independent women who have diverse and engaging lifestyles. While being someone's everything may seem appealing, it can be suffocating and detrimental. Rather than fixating on relationships, explore the plethora of experiences life has to offer and enjoy your solo journey.
5. Be fully yourself
I've made the mistake of pretending to be someone I'm not to impress a guy, but it's never worth it. If he's the right guy for you, you shouldn't have to change to win his affection. Genuine men will appreciate and accept you for who you are. Don't hide or diminish your intelligence, humor, or outgoing personality for the sake of a man. Be true to yourself and let the right person appreciate you for all that you are.
6. Stop obsessing over finding true love
Desperately seeking and holding onto love is a pitiful sight. Although being single can be frustrating, it's not a catastrophic situation. Focusing solely on finding the right partner can drain you and scare off potential good matches since they can detect the desperation.
7. Trust the process
Taking a relaxed approach when meeting a nice guy you're interested in can save you a lot of hassle. Rushing into the next stage may cause you to overlook a great opportunity. Take your time getting to know him and enjoy the natural pace of things. Allow things to unfold naturally and enjoy the process.
8. Confidence is everything
Believe in your worth and value, and exude confidence. When you carry yourself with pride, men are less likely to take advantage of you and may even find your confidence attractive. Don't minimize your accomplishments or downplay your worth. Confidence is alluring, and the right men will be drawn to you because of it.
9. Build friendships
Building a strong support system and surrounding yourself with love can unknowingly attract the right guys. Developing close relationships with people who share similar interests can expand your social circle and options. Friends can offer great advice, love, and support throughout your journey, even after you meet the right guy.
10. Pay attention to your appearance
Dressing in a smart and attractive way can catch the attention of the right guys. You don't need to be excessively vain or buy expensive designer clothes, but wearing clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable can make a difference. Dressing to impress can give you the boost you need to attract the right men.
11. Put yourself out there
If you want to meet the right guys, you have to put yourself out there and socialize. Use professional dating apps instead of casual ones like Tinder, where you're more likely to find guys looking for hookups. Be open and outgoing and try different places to meet new people and attract quality men.
