11 Reasons Guys Act Nice Then Mean (And What To Do)

You were dating a great guy but suddenly he became rude and unpleasant.

It's not uncommon for guys to change from being kind to being cruel. You are not alone in this experience.

But, what is the reason behind this behavior?

Explore the following 11 reasons for why guys may switch from being nice to mean and learn what actions can be taken by reading further.


1. He's Attracted to You

One of the primary reasons a guy may act nice and then suddenly become mean is that he is attracted to you. This doesn't mean every rude guy you encounter is secretly interested in you, but it's possible that a guy who is normally nice and suddenly turns mean is likely experiencing intense feelings of attraction towards you.

2. He Wants You To Be Attracted To Him

Sometimes, guys may become mean because they want you to reciprocate the same level of attraction they have for you. Whether they have had feelings for you for a long time or just met you recently, if they want you to be as interested in them as they are in you, it's possible that they may act nice and then mean, or hot and then cold, as a way to gauge your level of interest.

3. He Wants To Gain Control Over You

Guys who are accustomed to getting what they want and being in control may become quickly mean when they feel like they don't have a strong enough hold on you. If a guy who is generally nice starts acting aggressively or controlling when you make your own decisions, even small ones, it's a warning sign that he may be trying to gain control over you.

4. He's Jealous of Others

Jealousy can cause a guy to switch from being nice to mean quickly, especially when it comes to other people spending time with you, particularly other guys. The stronger his feelings for you and the more jealous he is of others getting your attention, the more intense and frequent his angry outbursts may be.

5. He's Not Ready For A Real Relationship

Not all guys who are interested in you want a long-term, committed relationship. If a guy likes you but doesn't want a serious relationship but thinks you do, he may become mean as a way to distance himself from you or to discourage you from wanting a more serious commitment.

6. He's Playing Mind Games

Some guys like to play games with your emotions. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it, other than recognizing it for what it is and moving on. Until then, be aware that they may continue to play these games.

7. He Doesn't Know What to Think/Do

When a guy is uncertain or at a loss of what to do or think, whether in general or in a specific situation (such as on a date or around friends), he may become irritable and say or do something mean and uncharacteristic. However, he may quickly return to his usual nice and sweet behavior as if nothing occurred.

8. He's Scared of Being Hurt

Guys who have experienced traumatic past relationships may be scared of getting hurt again, as a result, they may act mean and tough to avoid showing their vulnerable side. However, once they see that you are not going to hurt or abandon them, they may return to their normal behavior.

9. He's Intimidated By You

Sometimes, guys find themselves both extremely intimidated and irresistibly attracted to their crush. In this case, your guy may act like a jerk or say something mean as a way of trying to hide their insecurity and appear cool and unfazed by you and your opinion of him. However, as the relationship progresses, he may become less intimidated by you.

10. He's Lost Romantic Interest in You

A common reason for a guy to transition from being nice to being mean is that he has lost romantic interest in the person. This can happen when the initial attraction was not strong or it gradually fades over time. Unfortunately, in some cases, the guy may continue to keep the person around and treat them poorly until they have found a new romantic partner.

11. He's a Shy Guy Freaking Out

The shyness of the individual in question may be the cause of their hostile behavior towards you. Shy individuals often repress their emotions and are generally friendly, but when they are greatly upset, they may become aggressive.


With an understanding of the reasons why a guy may switch between being nice and mean, here are some tips for handling this behavior:

Allow him the time and freedom to consider his thoughts.

Assess the circumstances, and maintain a level-headed and composed demeanor.

Confront him about his actions and request an explanation.

Allow him the opportunity to apologize in his own manner and at his own pace.

Avoid escalating the situation.

Be open to receiving his apology and progress forward.

If he does not apologize, let the matter rest and move on regardless.


What Is It Called When Someone Is Nice And Then Mean?

There is no specific term that solely refers to individuals who alternate between being nice and mean, however, some people may use the phrase "hot and cold" or "narcissist" to describe this type of behavior. "Hot and cold" implies inconsistency, where someone is friendly one moment and indifferent the next. Narcissists are known for having an inflated sense of self-importance and may not be aware or concerned about their behavior of being nice and then mean.

Do guys flirt by being mean?

It's a common behavior among guys who have a crush on someone to flirt by being "mean" in a playful way. This doesn't imply physical harm or theft, but rather teasing that borders on slight rudeness. This type of meanness is often intended to be playful and is a sign of flirting.

How do you know if a guy is pretending to not like you?

There are many ways to determine if a guy is pretending or genuinely not interested in you. Some signs that he may actually be interested include constant teasing, making time for you, being protective of you but not admitting it, feeling jealous when other guys are around you, and frequently smiling at you.