Published in Aug 2020 / Updated in Feb 2021
Like me, I’m sure you have asked yourself this question: why are some people rude for no apparent reason? You were nice, polite, and weren’t disrespectful in any way, but what you got was toxic rudeness.
What are the causes of rudeness in these circumstances?
Let’s look at the psychology of rudeness with a focus on the main causes of rude behaviors. There are many types of rudeness, and they are brought about by many factors as we are about to discover.
1. Personal Problems
Life can get a little hard sometimes. Stress, anger, and other personal issues can bring out the worst in us. When frustrated by the stresses of life, we can lash out at anyone who gets close.
Sometimes you can realize you are rude, but at other times, you might not realize it. What’s important is that you address the personal issues causing rude behavior. Otherwise, the toxicity can even ruin your relationships.
2. Personality Disorders
Before you get upset by someone’s rudeness and start wondering how to make a rude person feel bad, understand that some people are rude through no fault of their own.
Due to the traumatic experiences they encountered at some point in their lives, these people became negative, rude, and critical.
Issues like bad relationships or horrible childhoods can cause this type of rudeness.
3. Low Self-esteem
Many rude people you see around have serious and deep-seated self-esteem issues that probably began when they were kids.
When someone feels critical of themselves, they tend to project that sentiment onto others. That is why people with poor self-image are usually mean, disrespectful, and rude towards other people.
Studies say that rudeness is on the rise in the US, and you can bet that low self-esteem is one of the main characteristics of a rude person. For these people, rudeness is usually a mask for their insecurities.
If you know someone is rude due to their low self-esteem, you can learn how to respond to rude comments in a way that discourages the behavior in the future.
Does this question sound familiar? Why is everyone so rude to me?
If you are one of the unlucky few who ask themselves this question, chances are that culture is to blame for the rudeness.
In some cultures, what might seem rude and disrespectful to you could be the norm. In that case, what you would need the most is an attitude adjustment to stop taking such behavior so personally.
5. Acquired Behavior
Like many other bad habits, rudeness is something you can pick up. For instance, if you spend your time around rude people, odds are that you will become rude as well. Such an environment normalizes rude behavior, making people rude without their realizing it.
6. Low Emotional Intelligence
Emotional and intellectual intelligence are two very separate things, and some people lack the former despite their age. Someone who has a very poor grasp of emotional issues might not have the foresight to watch their responses when talking with people, hence the rudeness.
So, how do you respond to a rude person who doesn’t even know they are rude? The first step is to understand that rudeness is not all about you. The person who is rude to you probably needs more kindness than you do.
7. Inflated Sense Of Self-Worth
Narcissists, egomaniacs, and other selfish people are usually very rude when they have no need for you. They can be nice, polite, and very respectful when they want you. But as soon as they are done with you, they treat you like crap.
It is these kinds of people who make you ask: how do you make a rude person feel bad? While that might make you feel a little better, remember that more rudeness does not make the world a better place.
Have you ever noticed that some people treat you disrespectfully when you first meet them but eventually become warm and friendly once you know each other better?
You are not the only one.
Some people are harsh or rude to those they don’t know. It’s called rudeness due to anonymity. Yes, people can be rude to you simply because they don’t know you.
Some people understand that being rude pisses people off and strains relationships. But the reality is that some people are nice only because of the benefits politeness offers. But given a chance, these people can be very rude.
For instance, this person needs your support in one way or another and is therefore polite and respectful, so they remain in your good graces.
However, once the person gets independent, they may have no further need for your support and treat you disrespectfully. That is why we say money has changed people because such individuals act differently as soon as they have enough of it.
Some of these people have even learned how to be rude to someone in a nice way as a way to be condescending.
10. Lack Of Training On People Skills
Some people are rude because their parents or guardians did nothing to teach them proper manners when they were young.
They never learned the need to be nice to other people, and so they grew up thinking being rude is acceptable. That’s why it’s important to teach little kids good manners when they are young to grow into well-adjusted adults.
These days, technology is not only all around us, but it has also become part of us. People have become so attached to their technological devices that they might react harshly to anyone who distracts them.
Similarly, people spend a lot of their time interacting with modern devices that often strain their minds and make them have short fuses.
It sucks when someone is rude to you, especially someone you love and care about.
Therefore, in addition to learning the causes of rudeness, you should also learn ways intelligent people deal with rude people. You see, while it might help to learn how to shut down a rude person, it’s important to respond to these people in a way that does not make things worse for you or them.
To sum up, if you have been wondering “why are rude people rude?”, above are some possible causes of rudeness you will meet in your life. You should also understand why rudeness is toxic. Also, master a few tips on how to respond to rude behavior.