Our culture often exerts control over women through various means, such as societal expectations for marriage and prescribed beauty standards. While it is empowering for women to assert themselves and reclaim control, attempting to control others can become a harmful pattern. The following are 10 ways in which women may try to control men without realizing it. If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, it may be time to reassess your actions.
1. Blaming and Shaming
Treating a romantic partner like a child can damage the love in a relationship. However, sometimes women may speak to a man in a condescending manner in order to make him feel immature. This can include pointing out flaws, lecturing, or scolding a partner for their behavior as a way of exerting power and control. However, this behavior can also prevent a relationship from becoming one of mutual respect and equality between two adults.
2. Using Passive Aggression
Indirect and passive-aggressive communication can be intentionally confusing. Women may be particularly skilled at decoding passive aggression, while men may struggle to understand the underlying meanings. This can lead to men feeling confused and going in circles as they try to understand. Women may use this to their advantage by dropping subtle hints and keeping their partners hooked and seeking clarification, thereby exerting control. This behavior can make men feel foolish.
3. Negging
Both men and women can use negging, which is a form of manipulation that involves insults and backhanded compliments. Men may be more susceptible to it when a woman engages in negging, and it may be mistaken for flirtatious teasing. However, persistent negging can ultimately make a man desperate for validation after being constantly criticized.
4. Using jealousy as a weapon
Using jealousy to manipulate a partner is a common but potentially harmful tactic. When a man is possessive, it can be a warning sign. However, some women may use a man's possessiveness against him by trying to make him jealous. For example, by comparing a current boyfriend to an ex or mentioning a man who showed interest in them. This can make a man feel insecure and unsure of his own worth in the relationship. While this may give a woman a temporary advantage, it can ultimately cause harm when the jealousy fades.
5. Threatening To Break Up
While setting boundaries and being assertive in relationships is important, threatening to break up without actually intending to do so is a way that women may try to control men. This can create feelings of inadequacy and insecurity in a relationship. While threatening to leave may temporarily give a woman more control in a toxic relationship, the most effective way to empower oneself is to actually leave the relationship.
6. Using the silent treatment
Using the silent treatment can make a man feel confused and unsure of how to improve the relationship. By withholding information, a woman may feel like she has the upper hand. However, using the silent treatment can cause a man to work harder to find the information he needs to address conflicts. It is healthier for both parties to skip the silent treatment and instead communicate openly and honestly about their issues.
7. Keeping A Man From His Friends
Controlling and manipulating a partner may involve separating them from their friends and other people in their life. While this may seem like a caring act, such as attempting to keep a man away from negative influences, it is actually a common early warning sign of abusive relationships. Isolating a partner from their social support systems can be harmful and is not a healthy aspect of a relationship.
8. Using sex as reward
Using sex as a means of manipulation or control in a relationship is unhealthy and can lead to a pattern of control. This may involve using sex as a reward for a partner doing something that a woman desires, or withholding sex as punishment or as a way to manipulate a partner. It is important to remember that it is always okay to say no to sex, and it is also okay to not want sex after a partner has hurt you. When sex is used in this way, it becomes transactional and no longer mutually enjoyable for both people in the relationship.
9. Guilt-tripping
Using guilt as a means of control in a relationship can be subtle and effective. Even if a man has not done anything wrong, a woman may try to make him feel guilty in order to manipulate him. The intense discomfort of guilt can lead a person to try to do anything to make amends, even if they are not at fault. This can be taken advantage of as a way to manipulate and control the other person in the relationship.
10. Acting helpless
The dynamic of a damsel in distress being rescued by a Prince Charming can be used to gain control in a relationship. Some men may enjoy feeling like a hero and may be fearful of disappointing their partner. On the other hand, a woman may act helpless in order to place all responsibility on the man, expecting him to save her and avoid any mistakes. If he fails to do so, she may use guilt as a means of control. This dynamic is not healthy and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and manipulation in the relationship.
If you are seeking more control in a relationship, it may be worth considering whether or not this is a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If you feel the need to control someone in order for them to behave as you desire, they may not be the right partner for you. Using passive aggression and engaging in mind games can give a temporary feeling of empowerment, but they can ultimately lead to more manipulation and emotional abuse.
