Let me start by saying this because I feel it needs to be said: emotional intimacy matters as much as physical intimacy, if not more.
And I get it, you have been hearing and reading that emotional intimacy is important to women. Well, forget about that: men need emotional intimacy just as much.
Deep down, we are very emotional creatures.
And what does this mean? That we all need emotional intimacy.
But how do you build emotional intimacy? Where do you even begin? No worries, I have you covered. Here are 10 simple habits you can use to create more emotional intimacy in your life.
1. Love Yourself
You cannot love another human being if you have no love for yourself. If you are full of self-hatred, then you will project the same feelings onto others.
So, be positive and appreciative of your achievements, and you will see your partner do the same for you.
And guess what? Being loved makes your love even stronger, and it grows your emotional intimacy even more.
Don't think this works? Think of people who take care of their needs, treat themselves and others with respect, and are working hard to get what they love. You admire them, right? You can also agree that they are easy to love.
Be that kind of person. Your partner will love you more, which will cause greater emotional intimacy.
2. Make Every Moment Count
Pessimistic as this might sound, one day will be the last you ever spend with your partner. You can never know the when or the where, but that day will come.
So, why not make the best of the moments you spend together? Whatever you are doing, make it count. People have lost their lives to freak accidents shortly after parting with their loved ones.
And yet, many of us don't put any effort into making the moments we spend with our loved ones meaningful. Even the time you spend in the house should be made to count. Don't spend time with little regard for each other.
Try to focus on each other, and you will feel good about each other and have greater emotional intimacy.
3. Text Them To Tell Them Of Your Love For Them
When you are apart, as you will sometimes be, texts can keep you together, at least in each other's minds. You can use texts to build intimacy and improve romance.
So, texting is great, and it should be part of your love story.
But there is something like too much. For instance, texting your partner "I love you" all the time will dilute the meaning these important words should have in your relationship.
Saying "I love you" in a text a few times a day is fine. But don't use it to sign off on all the texts you send.
But don't underutilize texts either, especially when they prove to be an important part of communication.
4. Love And Support Them, But Not Their Destructive Habits
Nobody is perfect. You or your partner can have bad habits. But there are people who support such behaviors to avoid seeming unsupportive.
Don't fall into the same trap and encourage your partner to do things that are unhealthy for them.
If their drinking is becoming an issue, don't encourage it. But also don't withdraw support in other areas to make them see your point.
Focus on making them see better alternatives, and bad habits will eventually fade. If your partner always speaks ill of themselves, be the person who tells them positive things until they start to believe in themselves.
Loving your partner is a good thing, and we all want that. But loving them and behaviors that ruin them is not right.
5. Saying I Love You In All Ways
Yes, words mean something. We do not deny that. But many of the things we say mean little unless they are backed by actions.
That said, don't take these words lightly and turn your 'I love you' into a hurried 'loveya.'
Let these words mean something every time you say them by being deliberate as you speak them out.
But I get it. Some of you feel like words lose meaning when you say them too often. That's okay, it's nothing to worry about. It happens.
You just have to do one thing: find other ways to tell your partner you love them.
How do you to this, you ask? I am glad you asked.
Love has many languages and here are more ways to make the love of your life feel loved without you saying these three magical words.
- Public compliments
When you are out in public and get a chance to introduce or say something about your partner, say something good about them. It does not have to be a long speech about the things you love about them. A short comment on their dressing will do the trick.
- Say you are sorry
Admitting you are wrong is nobody's cup of tea, especially when you have a reputation and ego to protect. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. So, when you admit to being wrong, your partner will truly believe that you care about them.
- Take their side when with other people
Few things can demean your partner as much as siding with other people over them. Whenever you do it, they think you value other people more than you value them.
Sure, you cannot agree on everything, but at least don't attack your partner in front of other people. Being supportive in such circumstances shows that you can stand by them regardless of what comes up against you. More importantly, it shows how much you love them.
- Make them feel treasured
Saying I love you all the time might not always make your partner feel like you really love them. So, once in a while, make them know how much you think of their achievements by congratulating them or doing something special to mark the occasion.
Indulge them and make them feel good about themselves, and you will have no problems convincing them of your love for them, even without saying a word.
- Hear them out
You should be supportive of your partner at all times. No matter what. And support comes in many ways, such as hearing them out when they have something to say to you.
So, when your partner is trying to tell you something, take your focus off your phone or television and hear them out. They deserve it. They will appreciate it.
- Letting them be
I believe all of us have the ultimate desire to be whatever we can be. Based on your personality, you might enjoy making instant decisions. But your partner probably enjoys taking their time, thinking of all possibilities and savoring every part of the process.
For once, you can try to be accommodating to such a trait in them, and make them know it's not an issue for you. That will make them feel appreciated and loved.
- Do something they usually do
It happens. You find that certain duties in the relationship fall on your partner, while others become your own. But we will not get into a deep discussion about gender roles here.
What is important is that you can use this division of duties to make your partner feel loved. If taking out the trash is something your partner does all the time, for whatever reason, you can rise to the occasion and do it this time. They will notice and feel loved.
- Assure them of your love
When your partner does something awesome, a simple "this is why I love you" should help them understand you appreciate and love them in countless ways. It can certainly mean more than saying I love you to end your phone conversations.
- Always do unto them as you would have them do unto you
You should always treat others as you would like them to treat you. That includes your partner. If you expect their love, comfort, and understanding, then be the person who gives them these things.
6. Make Mealtimes Special
Do you know that love is one of the tastiest cooking ingredients? You should try preparing a meal based on your love and adoration for each other and find out yourself.
When you prepare meals based on love and positive emotions, then you can expect them to taste better and you can enjoy them more.
Go ahead, make your favorite meals together, and see just how much more wonderful they will taste. They will also take your emotional intimacy to another level.
7. Kissing Before Bedtime
Probably sounds obvious, but hear me out. Maybe you kiss once in a while, and that's cool. But now, you can try turning it into a habit. It beats just slipping under the covers and rolling into a comfortable position before dozing off.
In any case, it will let you know whether there might be any issues between you.
Yes, you know a kiss can reveal a lot.
In a single kiss, you or your partner can say if they are happy, feeling affectionate, or struggling with something. I don't think I need to tell you how important having this information can be in helping you build intimacy, physical or emotional.
8. Do Something Nice For Your Partner
Every day, think of something nice you can do for your partner. It's not that hard, and it would really improve your relationship.
Doing something nice for your partner will make them know you care about them and are supportive of them.
And don't wait until you can do something grand and mind-blowing. A bouquet can be a very nice gesture. But the list of things you can do for him or her is practically endless.
9. Create A Secret Language
"I love you" is a classic, it will always be. But how about a special way of saying these words that applies to your partner only? How about "you are my favorite cupcake?" No? Doesn't matter.
The point is this, having your own unique way of telling your partner how much you love and care about them can go a long way in making them feel more intimate towards you.
Sure, creating a secret language might seem cheesy and corny, but it works.
You have watched movies together, shared many private and enjoyable moments together and certain words came to mean something special to you.
Use these words from time to time, when the time is right, to build on your emotional intimacy.
Your secret language will make your partner understand that you cherish the moments you have spent together in the past. So, when you know that such reminders and words will bring a smile on their faces, say them and see your intimacy levels increase.
10. Attend A Relationship Workshop
Relationships take work, you know that. Keep making an effort, because the moment you slack off, everything could go south.
And you never truly know everything about your partner, although you should still try to learn as much as you can. Plus, we change as time goes by. You have to learn how to understand your partner each passing day.
So, if you feel there are some issues in your relationship, you can always work on them in a different setting by attending a workshop.