Having anxiety means continuously dealing with an annoying little voice, saying, "you're not good enough" or "who knows how will this end." Because, instead of having a gut feeling, you're stuck with irrational monsters who feed on your overthinking mind.
And that's the thing. It's your mind, your anxiety, but when you fall in love, instead of butterflies, it's like a herd of elephants is running through your tummy.
Before you go mental, remember you're not the only one. Far from it! In fact, most anxious people the following ten thoughts as soon as they meet someone great. It sucks, but hey, it's not the end of the world, despite panic attacks and relationship anxiety, which you have.
1. No reply. Are we over now?
You know that assuming the worst is your second nature. And you're obsessed with convincing yourself that every detail will make your love life crash and burn.
It doesn't matter that you didn't have the time to reply to 10 messages from people you love. It's that one message that you think means the end of the world.
If I told you to stop worrying, that would me look like a bad person, so instead, let's focus on a simple life's truth: you have bad days when a generalized anxiety disorder is kicking your butt. But, it won't last for the rest of your life!
2. Should I dump him first?
Of course, you should. And spend the next months, even years, overanalyzing and beating yourself up. I know it sounds bitchy, but as an anxious person, the only thing that snaps me out is a cold-served truth.
You're not afraid he'll dump you. Instead, you are scared to open up. And that's ok, but you do realize that you're not safer in your comfort zone. It's a trap, so just think of this: so what if he leaves first?
You survive each day with your overthinking, worrying mind. You deserve to be in love, and if you think you're protecting yourself, don't ignore the feeling, try this: "wouldn't it be nice if I feel in love and felt safe?"
You're creating a difficult situation, not because you wanted to, so start deep breathing exercises and continue looking after yourself. At the same time, giving someone a chance to love you, with all your anxiety attacks!
3. Is he pity dating me?
You've been dating for a couple of months, yet you can't shake off the feeling that he wants something from you or that he's with you out of pity.
Everyone feels anxious from time to time, but you feel totally useless, exhausted, and the whole relationship is a burden. Or is it?
The moment you start feeling happy, you go into that dark place, and your loving relationship doesn't do you any good. Again, that's your mind speaking. So, before you go deeper into the rabbit hole, write down all the things you've got going on.
4. Will he understand my mental health issue?
The more you think about this big question, the more you lose your sense of self. So, if you're in a committed relationship, and he's paying attention to your behavior, he knows that you are having a hard time.
So, before you start your worst-case scenario, once again, talk to your man. Tell him because I am sure you didn't do it correctly in your past relationships.
Don't go into details; simply state that your attachment style is different, and you tend to overthink and worry too much due to some unresolved issues. It's 2020; we're all dealing with something.
5. How do I stop anxiety from ruining my relationship?
Relationship anxiety, on top of your stress, is overwhelming, to say the least. Furthermore, if you're struggling with anxiety and depression, it would be best to see a therapist.
It's the best way to stop anxiety from ruining your loving relationship, but even more, to prevent your inner critic from giving you sleepless nights.
You're not a bad person. You're not falling apart, nor should you keep your mental health issue to yourself. Talking to people who love you, including your partner, is good, but the best way to fight anxiety is by talking to people whose job is to understand you.
6. What if I am not good enough in bed?
You know that you're not because you're always in your head! What does it even mean "being good in bed'? Think about it: you do stuff you enjoy doing, and that's about it.
Perhaps you think you're too thin or too curvy, and you're on the verge of developing an eating disorder to please society's criteria of beauty. You're no longer a sexual being but a constant worrying pile of mess.
Each romantic relationship is different, so perhaps your past experiences have a role in your insecurities. However, you need to focus on the now, start a gratitude journal, and start from the beginning. You have lips to kiss, your heart to love, so tell yourself that you are plenty enough, three times a day.
7. He "liked" her photo, so will he replace me?
You may have imposter syndrome, or your attachment style is anything but healthy. But, there's no way that one like or text means anything more than just that.
You have bad anxiety, and it makes you feel uncertain about everything. But, tell yourself that you know your mind is playing with you, so instead of checking his messages or whatever unhealthy obsession you have, develop healthy habits.
Each time you feel like you're the biggest loser in the world, and you want to spy on your loving partner, eat broccoli, or do ten pushups.
If you're in a loving relationship, your partner will completely understand you to a certain degree. The rest is up to you. And if you don't crave for the worst-case scenario, you will start dealing with relationship anxiety. Via an online community, therapy, or meditation. Or all of it!
8. But how do I know he loves me?
If he says he loves you, and you saw each other couple of times, run. Otherwise, he sees what you can't see yet: that you're not your anxiety and depression, not your bipolar disorder, you're a person full of good qualities.
A romantic relationship that is meant to last will have to overcome tones of obstacles, and it takes a lot of work. But, if a guy is willing to completely understand that you're not perfect, just human, he will accept that you perhaps need therapy or medication to calm your mind.
Never use your anxiety as an excuse or as a weapon. It's not the elephant in the room, so when you're having a bad day or start to feel that fight or flight panic coming, tell him. And push through it together.
9. Doesn't he deserve better?
You can have a healthy relationship and be an anxious person. No, you don't deserve that your mind's acting like an enemy, but guess what? People are going through the same, and many have more significant difficulties, yet they find ways to deal and move forward.
This, too, shall pass. And if not, if you're simply a mildly anxious person, you might want to check out personal stories of people who were once in the same spot as you are now.
You can find them on forums, on social networks, but don't use them as a crotch. Instead, as proof that you deserve love, just like everyone else.
10. What if your relationship starts falling apart?
Sure, you'll blame the anxiety, but it can be due to various reasons.
There's another thing that sucks when you're trying to be in a healthy relationship, yet you're battling your mind. You're not paying attention to what's right in front of you.
The fact you get up and dress up every day, despite experiencing anxiety attacks a couple of times per day or week, makes you stronger than most. So, even if you're relationship doesn't work, the next one will. The point is that you need to make peace with your mind and work on yourself.
You're more resilient, despite your false belief that you're fragile. And that strength will allow you to move forward. It's ok to fall apart for a few days, but again, do not use your anxiety as an excuse.
Why does thinking about the past give me anxiety?
Let's assume you're no longer in a relationship. But just thinking about it makes you anxious. And guess what: it happens to people who aren't anxious 99 percent of the time.
The past gives you anxiety because of unresolved issues.
Making sense of what happened in the past will help you come back to the present, stronger than before. So, even if your loving relationship turned into a frog, you still can thank the prince for reminding you that you deserve true love. And you can get much more from it than if it was just another breakup.
You should stop worrying about others and focus that energy on your well-being. We live in uncertain times, so making yourself a priority and your best friend will help you cope with anxiety and panic attacks, prevent eating disorders and constant worrying.
It all sounds too easy, but with the right tools, you will be able to love deeper the moment you learn to love yourself more.