10 Signs You're Hard To Love And How To Change

You may consider yourself to be complex or intense, but these characteristics may make it difficult for others to love and connect with you. It can be challenging for people to care about and be close to someone hard to love. It may be difficult to admit, but if any of these things apply to you, it could be contributing to difficulty in forming close relationships.

1. You don't know how to apologize

People who are hard to love may struggle with apologizing because of their stubbornness. If you consistently make your partner feel like they are in the wrong and refuse to accept that you are not always right, it can create problems in your relationship. As Dr. Harriet Lerner points out, being able to apologize and make amends is essential for maintaining the trust and repairing relationships. A genuine apology can be healing, but an absent or insincere one can damage or even end a relationship.


2. You never compromise

If you struggle to find compromise in your relationships, it can make it difficult for others to love you. When you consistently refuse to accommodate others or consider their needs, it can be challenging for your partner to feel loved and supported. In a caring relationship, it is important to make an effort to meet your partner halfway and find ways to make each other happy.


3. You're unpredictable

If you are difficult to understand or figure out by those closest to you, it can make it hard for others to love you. While it can be appealing to be mysterious and dynamic, in a relationship it can create mistrust and make it difficult for your partner to know who you are and where they stand with you. Being open and transparent in a relationship is important for building trust and fostering a deeper connection.


4. You're Flaky And Unreliable

Flaky people can be difficult to love because they are not dependable. When someone you care about, such as a partner or friend, cannot rely on you when they need support, it can cause stress in the relationship and make it challenging for them to fully love you. To be loved, it's important to demonstrate dependability. This means showing up and being there for the people you care about.


5. You hold onto old baggage

Holding onto negative experiences from the past and punishing people in your present for those events can make you difficult to love. It is understandable to be hesitant to open up and be vulnerable after experiencing pain, but bringing that negative energy into new relationships can make them difficult as well. It is possible to let go of the past and have healthy, loving relationships in the present.


More Signs You're Difficult To Love

1. You put up emotional walls

If you put up walls as soon as someone gets too close, you may believe you are protecting yourself from being hurt. However, these emotional barriers can prevent you from forming deep, meaningful connections with others. To love and be loved, it is necessary to let people into your life and open up emotionally. Without this vulnerability, it is difficult to truly know and love someone. It is important to find a balance between protecting yourself and allowing yourself to be open to love.


2. You're self-destructive

It can be challenging for others to love someone who engages in self-destructive behaviors such as excessive drinking or consistently engaging in self-deprecating thoughts and actions. On the other hand, people who take care of themselves and show themselves love tend to be easier to love. It is important to prioritize self-care and self-love in order to be able to fully engage in healthy, loving relationships with others.


3. You're dishonest

I believe that honesty is the best policy, even if it's not always easy. Lying, even about small things, can erode trust and damage relationships. On the other hand, being honest and having integrity can make you more lovable and attract people to you. It's a skill that takes practice, and I've certainly had to work on it myself, but it's worth the effort to be honest and build trust with others.


4. You're Bad At Communicating

Effective communication is crucial for healthy relationships. When we can't talk through disagreements or express our feelings to our loved ones, it can strain the relationship and make it difficult for others to love us. If you struggle with communication, it may be helpful to seek therapy or work on self-reflection to find your voice and use it effectively in your relationships. By improving your communication skills, you can strengthen your connections with others and become more lovable.


5. You don't believe you deserve to be loved

Believing that you deserve love is essential for a healthy relationship with others. If you're having trouble understanding why someone else finds it hard to love you, consider whether you believe that you are worthy of love. Negative self-talk and past experiences can influence our beliefs about our worthiness. A therapist can help you work through these issues and develop a more positive perspective on your own deserving of love and happiness.


How To Change Your Ways And Become More Loveable

1. Learn to be open about your feelings

It's important to express your emotions, both positive and negative, in order to be seen as approachable and open to others. Even if someone doesn't agree with how you feel, they will appreciate the fact that you were comfortable enough to share your thoughts. On the other hand, suppressing your emotions can lead to negativity and resentment. Remember that your feelings matter and are worth sharing with others.


2. Be more proactive and take responsibility for yourself and your relationships

If you have trouble apologizing and tend to blame others for problems in your relationships, it's time to make a change. Instead of placing the responsibility on others, try to focus on what you can do to solve the issue. By taking a team-based approach and focusing on the problem itself rather than assigning blame, you can more effectively address and resolve conflicts. Consider seeking the guidance of a clinical psychologist to help you develop better communication and problem-solving skills in your relationships.


3. Show the people you love that you love them

You don't have to be a wordsmith to show the people in your life that you care about them. Simple actions, such as random acts of kindness, can go a long way in making those around you feel loved and appreciated. Don't be afraid to express your feelings and do small things to bring joy to the people you care about. Remember that "showing" your love is just as important as saying it, and both can make a big difference in your relationships.


4. Shut down the selfishness

Taking care of yourself is important, but it's also important to recognize that your partner has needs too. In a loving relationship, both partners should work to meet each other's needs and have a mutually satisfying exchange. When this exchange is balanced and positive, the relationship will thrive. However, if one partner's needs are not being met, it can lead to negative feelings and potentially cause the relationship to end. Remember to prioritize both your own needs and the needs of your partner in order to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.


5. Learn to love yourself

If you struggle with being loved, it may be because you have not fully developed a sense of self-love. This can be a challenging process, and it may be helpful to work with a therapist to identify the underlying issues and develop self-love. Remember that you are strong, smart, and deserving of love. The more you love yourself, the easier it will be for others to do the same. Don't be afraid to seek help and support on your journey to self-love.