Narcissists know exactly how to put people under their spells. But once you fall in love with a narcissist, they will devalue and take advantage of you.
There is a reason narcissists are so attractive: they know how to win over those around them with charm, humor, and compliments.
According to psychologists, narcissists often follow a certain pattern in love. This is why relationships with narcissistic personalities usually have 3 phases: idealize - devalue - throw away.
However, you often only realize that you are in a toxic relationship when it is already too late. Here's how to tell if you're in love with a narcissist.
What Exactly Is Narcissism?
Before telling you the obvious signs you're dating a narcissist, you should learn what narcissism is.
Narcissism seems like an extreme form of self-love or self-admiration. So a narcissist considers himself more important and valuable than his fellow human beings. He tends to overestimate himself and usually acts ruthlessly and selfishly.
You can often recognize a narcissist by the fact that they are very self-focused and have a particularly positive self-image. Narcissists are virtually immune to outside criticism. But behind this perfect facade, there is usually a poor, injured soul.
Most suffer greatly from their habits. They derive most of their self-esteem from the approval they get from others. If they don't get it, they'll plunge into self-doubt and even depression.
"True narcissism" is a personality disorder that occurs very rarely. It is estimated that around 6% of the world's population is affected.
It is much easier to meet a person with narcissistic traits than a "real narcissist." Otherwise, here are the 10 signs you're dating a narcissist.
1. In The Beginning, He Idealizes You
The first of the signs you're dating a narcissist is if he idealizes you in the beginning stages of courtship, then changes after a while. Narcissists are sophisticated conquerors.
So don't be surprised if a narcissist showers you with attention, compliments, and romantic gestures, and puts you on a pedestal at the beginning of a relationship. This phenomenon is also called "love bombing."
According to psychologists, however, this stage is not permanent. The narcissist is simply working hard to get what he wants. Which boosts his ego.
2. He Is A Master Of Grand Gestures
Grand sweeping gestures are among the most common signs you're dating a narcissist. Whether it's paying the bills, taking you on a vacation, or getting you a gift, narcissists are masters of heroic gestures.
Behind their generosity, however, lies a deep need for recognition. One of the signs you're dating a narcissist is that they want to impress others and make sure that they are remembered.
3. His Appearance Is The Most Important Thing To Him
The first thing you will probably notice about a narcissist is their attractiveness. No wonder: narcissistic personalities attach great importance to their appearance.
One of the signs you're dating a narcissist is their attempt to get your admiration. According to experts, if your dating partner always dresses to perfection, chances are they're more narcissistic than others.
4. He Only Talks About Himself
One of the most striking signs you're dating a narcissist is that conversations with them tend to be one-sided. Narcissists dominate the conversation and always draw attention to themselves whenever the opportunity arises.
5. He's Never Wrong
While narcissists can't handle criticism at all, they blame others endlessly for making mistakes. Anyone who does something wrong is accused of incompetence.
Attempts to explain your point of view to a narcissist or to hope that they see a mistake are mostly futile.
6. He Is Jealous
Another one of the many signs you're dating a narcissist is jealousy. Narcissists don't like it when their partners have close relationships with friends and family.
The reason is: They can't stand it when other people outrank them as Number One. They want to be the most important thing to their partners.
To achieve this, they're not afraid to put down people their partners care about to make themselves look better.
7. He Is Incapable Of Empathy
Signs you're dating a narcissist include their inability to empathize and show interest in others. They are far too busy with their problems, worries, and fears to actually feel anything for other people.
Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personalities do not notice this at first glance. When it comes to getting things done, they too can be good listeners and caring.
When empathy comes and goes, however, one should be careful: Narcissists usually expect something in return for their gestures of empathy.
8. You Don't Count
Another trait that makes a relationship with a narcissist difficult is that your needs always come second. People with narcissistic traits are primarily interested in fulfilling their desires.
On top of that, narcissists find it a threat when their partner expresses their own needs. If you're feeling overwhelmed by a lack of support from your partner, you're probably seeing signs you're dating a narcissist.
9. He Plays Your Weaknesses Against You
At first, he admired your assertiveness - today he thinks you are ruthless? As a relationship progresses, narcissists tend to highlight their partner's weaknesses and use their flaws against them.
After the initial idealization phase, he starts telling you constantly that you don't meet his requirements? Beware: these are signs you're dating a narcissist.
10. He's The Social Media Star
New research has found that people who constantly update their Facebook statuses display more narcissistic traits than others.
People who are addicted to selfies should also give you food for thought. Narcissists enjoy being in the spotlight - and they get their self-affirmation through "likes".
How To Handle A Partner With Narcissistic Traits
If narcissism manifests itself as a real personality disorder, a serious relationship is hardly possible. As already mentioned at the beginning, a majority of people only have narcissistic traits.
These are often not noticed in everyday life. That's why a relationship with them can work well. If you witness signs you're dating a narcissist, these qualities can be helpful:
To make themselves look better, they like to put other people down. Here, as a partner, a strong sense of self-esteem is required in order not to let such attacks, which are often not meant in a bad way, get too close to you.
People with a strong urge to help get along with narcissists. They have no problem subordinating themselves to their partner and are happy to take care of their worries and problems throughout the day.
A partner with a narcissistic character is very self-absorbed and has little time to take care of you. For a relationship to work, you should have both feet on the ground so that you can get along well without his help.
A relationship with a narcissist requires one thing above all: a lot of patience! You must be able to understand his whims and never tire of listening to his own praises.
Signs You're Dating A Narcissist: How To Unmask Him
Of course, not everyone who is a bit more self-centered and self-absorbed than usual has a narcissistic personality disorder. But there is a wide spectrum of narcissism.
If several of the above points apply to your dating partner, then there is a simple trick to unmasking them as a narcissist: just ask them!
One question is sufficient: "On a scale from 1 to 10: How much do you agree with the statement "I am a narcissist?" The more narcissistic a personality is, the more likely they are to agree with this statement and rate themselves high. Because even that is what a narcissist is proud of - being a narcissist!
Separation From A Narcissist
After seeing the signs you're dating a narcissist, it is common to think about breaking up. And as if breakups weren't hard enough. Separating from a narcissist is often even more difficult. This applies to both sides.
After such a separation, one thing is particularly important: distance! Both mentally and physically. This is the only way both partners can get over it!
The Narcissist Tries To Prevent The Breakup
Following a breakup, other people are heartbroken, hurt, and angry, but time heals their wounds. However, a narcissist will gnaw at a breakup for much longer.
Breaking up with a narcissist is a deep affront to their dignity. If he is dumbed, his self-esteem gets hurt.
That is why he will try with all means of art to prevent a separation from him. He will even make you doubt the signs you're dating a narcissist. The key here is: to stay strong!
The Partner Finds It Difficult To Let Go
While people with narcissistic symptoms struggle with their self-esteem, their partner's fear of loss plays a crucial role in keeping these unhealthy relationships going.
Because of his absorbing nature, a relationship with them is always associated with emotional dependency. Many find it difficult to let go of this relationship.
People with narcissistic personalities tend to shape their partners according to their ideals. Many women don't even notice how they change more and more during the relationship. If you notice that you do not feel like yourself in the relationship, it is time to look for the signs you're dating a narcissist.
It is therefore particularly important for you to find yourself again after the separation. A drastic change in appearance also helps many women. Maybe a new haircut or a small style change in the closet? Old pictures or friends can also be helpful to help you remember the person you were before the relationship.
In order not to fall into old patterns, you should not get into a new relationship until you have found yourself again. And even better, look for signs you're dating a narcissist early in the relationship to avoid getting into the same problem.
That's why it's also important to watch out for signs that a narcissist is playing games with you.
Conclusion: Take Care Of Yourself!
As you now know, most people do not have a narcissistic personality disorder, but they might have narcissistic traits. Mostly, these are little quirks that should not stand in the way of a relationship.
However, you must never neglect your own well-being in such a partnership, especially, if you see these signs you're dating a narcissist.
Don't even try to change a narcissist because you won't succeed. The only thing you can change is yourself. Therefore: take good care of yourself and your needs!