It's not okay to hate yourself, otherwise known as self-loathing; just as it's never right to obsess over yourself at everybody's expense. You've got to love yourself right, and it's because you will be much better off for it.
Think about it: you can never genuinely love others more than you love yourself. Knowing to love yourself is the first step to learning to love others.
Better still, learning to love yourself teaches others how to love you.
My point is this: stop being your own worst critic. Period.
When you self-loath, you become disgusted by who you are. You genuinely see yourself as a disgrace.
That's the greatest injustice you can do to yourself, and you could easily destroy your emotional, psychological, physical, and social well-being in the process.
So yeah, self-loathing is the worst. And if for any reason you suspect you are on this hell-bound path, here are ways to know for sure and redeem yourself.
Signs Of Self-loathing
1. You Expect Bad Things To Happen To You
Does this sound familiar to you? On some level, some people think bad things should happen to them.
And when the bad things happen, they feel like they deserved the pain and suffering. If this describes you, then it's a very clear sign that you hate your guts.
Learn to feel grateful for the good things that happen in your life. From there, you will expect good things to happen to you.
That will prove that you are loving yourself.
2. You Fear Failure
Are you always afraid of failure? Whenever you have a big ambitious dream to accomplish, does fear of failure overwhelm you more than the possibility of success excites you?
If so, then you have a fear of failure. But don't feel bad, lots of people have this problem.
And even if it has been a lifelong struggle for you, there is a way to dig yourself out of this hole.
It's simple. If you want to overcome your fear of failure, learn to accept failure as part of the process.
Accept that failure is a possibility as you chase your lofty dreams.
Once you realize this simple truth, you will not worry too much about failing and will instead focus on success.
So, keep the fear of failure out of your mind and you will have overcome one of the most common reasons people unknowingly loath themselves.
And while at it, make sure you set achievable goals. Don't set yourself up for failure.
3. You Set Ridiculously Low Targets
While it's normal to want everything you try to succeed, setting the bar low so that you can assure yourself a win says you hate yourself.
On some level, you are telling yourself that you are not cut out for greater glories.
Set reasonable goals, and even if they fail, those that succeed will be worth it. Stop aspiring to mediocrity.
4. Being Excessively Apologetic
If you are always apologizing for every little thing, then you have a big problem and you are probably a self-loathing person. And no, apologizing all the damn time does not make you polite.
In fact, it pisses many people off because it makes them feel guilty over nothing. When you apologize and the person you are apologizing to does not feel that an apology was deserved, they feel bad.
Stop thinking you can be perfect. Nobody can.
We all make mistakes. And while big mistakes require apologies to help those affected, heal, and feel better, small unintentional mistakes that everyone makes don't need apologies.
And also, there will be times when people will get angry at you over nothing. If you feel that an apology is not deserved, then don't give it.
Love yourself: but also understand that you are not perfect. Besides, when you apologize only when it's necessary will make your apologies more sincere.
5. Unreasonable Self-Blame Is A Sign Of Self-Loathing
When things go wrong, how quick are you to blame yourself? Sure, there are times you can see that you caused the problem.
But if you are always the first person you blame when things don't work out, then that's a sign you hate yourself.
Accept that you don't cause all the mistakes that happen around you. Even if you are involved in something, it does not mean you caused its failure.
6. You Are Probably Self-Loathing If Envious Of Others
If you are always envious of others and wishing you had what they have; then that's a very telltale sign that you loath yourself.
There is no problem in admiring another person's success, but having a negative view of your achievement in relation to their own will not help things.
We are all very different.
Accept yourself and that you are a very different person. Your life journey is very different.
Once you know who you are and accept this reality, then however successful other people will be to you, it will never bother you or make you love yourself less.
7. You Avoid People
In this scenario, when you hate yourself, you try to protect people from yourself by avoiding them. You feel that they deserve better.
You feel that they will just reject you and find someone more lovable to occupy their time. In general, you accept that they are better off without you.
Start seeing the value you can add to other people's lives, however little you think of it. Over time, you will see that you are a valuable person to others, and their love for you will confirm it.
8. You Seek Approval And Validation On Social Media
You will never be happy if you keep following this path.
While social media has its place, it is not the place to seek approval and validation from people. Use social media to keep in touch, but not as a place to boost your self-esteem.
The solution to this problem is simple: try to build real relationships. You can never have tens or hundreds of good quality relationships with the help of social media.
9. You Have A Problem Accepting Compliments If You Are Self-Loathing
Some people will never accept a compliment. Are you one of them?
If so, then it might be because you hate yourself and feel unworthy of praise, even though you have rightly earned it.
Ask a friend to describe you and your good traits. You will realize and accept why you get complimented on a certain attribute all the time.
Naturally, you will end up loving yourself better.
10. Falling In Love Scares You
Falling in love can change your life completely. It means caring about another person as much as you care about yourself.
Loving someone makes you vulnerable because your sentiments might not be worthwhile or welcome.
But the reason you really fear falling in love is that you don't love yourself. You feel fearful that rejection from another person will only validate these feelings.
Understand that we are all deserving of love and that nobody is perfect. Also, by learning to love yourself, you can love others without fear because you know you will not feel like trash when another person rejects you.
When you love yourself, you will never fear giving or receiving love from another person.
10 Tips On How To Love Yourself More
1. Try To Meet Those You Admire
We all have those we admire, and they don't have to be big celebrities or historical figures. It could be someone you see every day.
But rather than seeing them as perfect beings who are vastly different from you, get closer to them and see they also deal with flaws and imperfections. Yes, just like you.
That will make you have greater self-confidence and better self-esteem. That will inevitably make you realize how lovable you are.
2. Learn From Others
They say that there's nothing new under the sun. The challenges you are facing have been faced by others.
So, from them, you can learn plenty about overcoming your own and having the life you want. You will realize that you are not the first to face such problems, and you will probably find a way to overcome whatever you are facing.
3. Discover Your Strengths
There is always that one thing you are really good at. Do you know what it is?
If you can discover the area that truly makes you shine, and focus on indulging this attribute, loving yourself will be bliss.
You will feel valuable and everyone will easily see it.
4. Learn To Focus
When you are distracted, you get stressed and stretched beyond limits easily. But when you focus on something intently and turn it into a flow experience, you get a different experience.
You deliver better quality results and feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt easily go away when you learn to focus on things rather than trying to get everything done all at once.
5. Do Something Nice For Yourself Every Day
We often forget to do something truly nice for ourselves, and days turn into weeks and then months. But if you purposely attempt to do something nice for yourself, you will discover all the ways you are deserving of love.
You can take a relaxing walk, watch a fun movie, attend a show, take a pampering bath and so forth.
In other words, have compassion and love towards yourself. We are always being told to be kind towards others, and that's okay.
But how often are you kind to yourself?
Compassion starts with you. If you stop judging yourself and be kinder to yourself, you will love yourself and others more.
6. Rethink Some Of Your Core Self-Loathing Beliefs
Certain perceptions you have about yourself might be the reason you hate yourself. For instance, if you always tell yourself things like "I hate myself", "I'll never have that kind of life", "I am difficult to love" and other negative things, then you will have a hard time loving yourself.
So, sit down and write down what you think about yourself, then work on changing the bad perceptions.
7. Cultivate Positivity
If there's one thing people seem to love doing, it's focusing on the negative. It's a tough habit to kick, but if you do, you will have given happiness a chance.
Don't obsess over insults people give you while ignoring the compliments you receive. Learn to see the positive side of things.
8. Do What You Love
Many people today do whatever brings food on the table. They rarely find the courage or the time to do what they love.
However, studies have consistently discovered that the happiest people are those who do what they love.
So, if you can do something you truly love, then you will find the journey to happiness much easier.
9. Find Out If Your Environment Is To Blame For Your Self-Loathing
Sometimes you hate yourself because your environment encourages it. For instance, if you don't have supportive friends, colleagues, and family members, then it will be very hard to love yourself.
For you to truly love yourself, you should be around people who want the best for you and try to uplift you and ensure you don't fall or stumble.
So, if your environment is dragging you down, try to do something about it.
10. Be Kind To Someone You Dislike To Dispel Self-Hatred
We all have them: people we don't particularly like. But even in these people, you will find something you can admire.
Your gesture of kindness can be as little as complimenting them on this trait. And believe it or not, that will make you love yourself more as it will prove to you that you can be the bigger person.
You are deserving of love, even though your mind might tell you otherwise. So, try to change your mindset today and learn to love yourself.
Then sit back and see quickly you will get over your destructive self-loathing habit and live a happier and more fulfilling life.