I have already experienced marriage, and I have no intention of doing it again. Observing individuals who have been through multiple marriages, I can't help but wonder about their mental state. Why would anyone subject themselves to that kind of experience more than once?
1. Nothing changes with a slip of paper
When it comes to relationships, marriage doesn't necessarily bring about significant changes. While names and finances may be altered, the actual dynamic of the relationship often remains the same. In my opinion, it's not essential to get married in order to maintain a committed relationship. I believe that commitment can exist without the need for a piece of paper, and that a serious relationship can continue indefinitely without the formalities of a wedding.
2. Weddings are overrated
Weddings are costly, tense, and fleeting events. Despite extensive preparation and effort, they only last for a single day of celebration. While intended to be the "best day ever," things can easily go wrong, causing worry and anxiety for both the couple and their guests. Rather than a wedding, why not just throw a party? This way, there's less pressure and stress, and you can simply focus on having a good time. That's my plan, at least.
3. You can leave when you want
While it is possible to leave a marriage, it can be more challenging due to the legal implications and ongoing connection to your spouse. On the other hand, if you're in a dating relationship and it's not working out, you can simply end things with no legal repercussions. My approach is to live together, maybe adopt a pet, but avoid marriage and any financial entanglements like joint credit cards or loans to ensure a clean break if needed.
4. Marriage makes you fall into a rut
Research indicates that couples in a comfortable marriage may become complacent over time. They may gain weight, stop making an effort to dress up for their partner, and lose the spark that was once there. In contrast, in a relationship, that spark may last longer. Couples may look forward to seeing each other every Friday night or exchanging daily text messages. Without falling into the same old routine with your partner, there's less risk of becoming stuck in a rut.
5. It doesn't make sense financially
After separating from my ex-husband, I took ownership of all accounts and divided the marriage debt equally. I purchased a house and managed my own finances. From a financial standpoint, it doesn't make sense for me to get married again. In marriage, you potentially inherit your partner's debts and financial obligations, even if you're not legally listed on those accounts.
6. My friendships suffered while I was married
Although my husband didn't forbid me from having friends, we naturally gravitated towards "couple" friends and did activities with them. As a result, single friends tended to distance themselves from our married life, not wanting to feel like a third wheel. Once we started having children, we naturally connected with other parents and formed friendships with them. It's a cycle that changed my pre-marriage friendships significantly.
7. I want to be independent
While I'm not opposed to being in another relationship in the future, being married created a routine where my spouse became my go-to person for everything - financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. While there's nothing inherently wrong with this, I desire some level of independence from another person. I don't want to rely solely on someone else for my happiness.
8. A lot of marriages end in divorce
Approximately 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and I don't want to experience that again. So why subject myself to that possibility by getting married again? It's possible to have a long-term relationship and live with someone without tying the knot, and if it were to end, it could do so without going through a divorce.
9. It takes a lot of time to make a marriage work
Marriages are often compared to jobs, as they require a significant amount of effort to maintain. However, I already have a full-time job and simply don't have the time or energy for another one. Instead, I'd rather focus on advancing my career and spending time with my daughter. I don't want to feel guilty for not being able to devote the necessary effort into a marriage.
10. I don't want stepkids
Considering my age, the reality is that I would likely have to marry someone who has been previously married or has children. While it may sound selfish, I don't want to deal with the complexities of stepchildren, an ex-spouse, and the emotional baggage that comes with it all. I understand that it may be asking a lot, considering I have a child and an ex-husband that someone else would need to handle, but I'm simply not interested in taking on someone else's past.