It’s always a fine line between what makes us feel good and what makes us look good. Even more so, it’s often hard to establish whether we are doing things for the right reasons.

Are we wearing a short skirt because we feel sexy in it, or because we think we will look sexy for guys?

It’s tough to know, but I would wager that we don’t need to spend too long analysing every decision that we make against a feminist/progressive agenda. Yes, we all want a better future and more equal standards of existence. But there are more productive ways of supporting that cause than just doing things that we think we ‘should’ be doing. The goal is empowerment, not to be constantly regulated as to what constitutes allowable ‘sexuality’ or ‘gender performance’. 

Show an interest in them; don’t become them!

We always want to be loved for who we are, but also we’re always told the value of compromise and showing an effort in their interests. How, then, do we prevent ourselves from just constantly merging into our significant other?

I do it all the time. When my new partner exhibits an interest in Sherlock, I’ll suddenly feel this compulsion to binge the whole thing. If they like running, I’ll take up jogging too. Essentially, I’m a copycat.

This occurs largely because I get emotionally attached and hold my partner up on a pillar where their opinion and personality represents the ideal, best form of humanity. Therefore, unconsciously I want to become them, because I know how much I value and love them.

As a result, it’s important to use the list below as a means of maintaining your own identity and staying true to yourself. We want to be irresistible to men. We don’t need to just mirror their personality!

So, without further ado, here’s 10 top tips on how to attract men without sacrificing your own identity!

1.Practice a genuine smile

A dazzling array of pearly whites will go a long way to clinching the interest of a passing chap. It’s tried and tested, just as Elle Woods swears by the Bend and Snap (patent pending), the value of a charming smile cannot be underestimated.

2. Change it up a bit!

If you normally go for a full-face of makeup, why not try going barefaced the next time you see your guy? Or, equally, if you are happy just chilling without make-up normally, maybe try a dash of eyeshadow or lipstick. If the guys have to make an effort, so do you! Why not go rogue with accessories or some eye-catching jewellery? If nothing else it will catch the light and get their attention that way!

3. Feel confident in your own skin!

Confidence is basically gold dust in mating rituals. When you’ve got it, guys can sense that and you immediately stand out from the crowd. Know yourself and then you can present to the men around you with exactly what they want. Hint: it’s you. 

4. Play hard to get – just a bit.

If you’re normally a very punctual (obsessive) replier, why not leave their message for an hour or two. Or leave them on read (if you have the nerve and want to see if they’re going to try again). Don’t do this outside the bounds of politeness, you are trying to court him, after all. But don’t convey that you’re always available for him. It’s a fact universally acknowledged that guys want what they can’t have. Such is the way of the world.

5. Heels!

Maybe it’s a bit gratuitous, and I’m not going to pretend that they won’t hurt by the end of the evening, but they’re always a knockout blow to the unassuming male. They might be minding their own business, feeling in control of themselves, and then they see you go by in a pair of killer heels. It does something miraculous to our legs; don’t underestimate the power of heels. 

6. Increase physical contact

Casually – if you’re at the bar together and feel comfortable, why not opt for a tactical hand to his chest or thigh as you laugh charmingly at his nervous joke? He will go crazy for your affection and the blood will rush to his head and other places.

7. Bite your lip.

It’s just science, don’t ask me. 

8. Recommend a book that you think he’ll like, or a film or TV show.

This shows that you have not only common interests, but you are willing to engage with his world. Here, two worlds can meet and you can both become well-rounded individuals. You might also blow his mind by sharing the same tastes in Murder Mystery novels as he does. 

9. Get his number early

Maybe you feel like the guy should traditionally be the first person to make the move and get each other’s numbers. Not so – it’s 2019, guys! Why not be gutsy for a change and boldly request his number? While he gives his digits away he may well pass along his heart too. Well, we can dream, I guess. 

10. Communication!

Yes, we do love a fun period of playing hard to get and decoding each other’s messages, but there comes a point when you both deserve emotional maturity. This comes with time, but try to be clear early on about personal boundaries, expectations and what you want out of a relationship. Taking control and having conviction in yourself is impossible to ignore and you will find that your chap will be only too happy to oblige. 

And finally, the most important caveat to attract the men around you:

BE YOURSELF!

Gosh, it’s a cliché and maybe it’s cringe, but here’s a secret: the best advice has already been said. Sometime we just need to hear things from different angles to act on them.

Truly, though – you are enough as you are.

You don’t need to change your body or personality to entice him! Don’t become his ideal woman or devalue your own personality or hobbies in order to engage with his. 

You’re desirable (in the immortal words of Colin Firth in Bridget Jones’ Diary) just as you are.