10 Friends With Benefits Mistakes I Made That You Shouldn't

Here are some mistakes to avoid in a friends-with-benefits relationship, as I have personally experienced in the past and found them to be detrimental. Despite finding these types of arrangements fulfilling and exciting, certain missteps can quickly cause issues.

1. Failing to communicate

Effective communication is key in any successful relationship, including friends with benefits. In my first FWB experience, I failed to prioritize communication which ultimately led to misunderstandings and drama. Since then, I have made a point to establish clear expectations and open lines of communication from the start. This includes discussing whether the arrangement is monogamous or open, and discussing any potential future developments. Avoiding assumptions and actively clarifying expectations can prevent potential issues and ensure that both parties are on the same page.

2. Neglecting to lay ground rules

In my first friends-with-benefits experience, lack of communication was not the only problem, we also failed to establish any clear boundaries or guidelines. It may seem unnecessary, but setting basic rules is crucial for maintaining a healthy FWB arrangement. These can include things like whether it's okay to use each other's personal belongings, whether overnight stays are allowed, whether or not the other party should be informed of other sexual partners, and whether booty calls are acceptable. It's important to have these guidelines established in advance to prevent any confusion or misunderstandings.

3. Hanging out too often

I used to believe that having a friends-with-benefits relationship meant spending a lot of time together, similar to a typical romantic relationship without the romance. However, I soon realized that this was not the case. Spending too much time together can quickly become overwhelming and stifling. In reality, friends with benefits should have a similar dynamic to regular friendships where you may not see each other every day, or even very often. Now, I apply this principle to my FWB arrangements and limit the time we spend together. Typically, we get together for physical intimacy once a week at most, and it's not a regular occurrence.

4. Secretly wanting more

One of the most common mistakes people make, including myself, is thinking that becoming friends with benefits with a crush will lead to them feeling the same way. However, this often leads to heartbreak and disappointment. It's important to understand that you cannot make someone love you, and the purpose of a friends-with-benefits arrangement is for casual, no-attachment fun. By attempting to deceive someone in this way, you're setting yourself up for failure.

5. Forgetting the friendship it began with

When entering into a friends-with-benefits (FWB) arrangement, it is important to remember that it is temporary and will eventually come to an end. When this happens, it can lead to feelings of awkwardness, as the focus on the sexual aspect of the relationship can cause the friendship to be forgotten. To avoid this, it is important to maintain a strong friendship first and foremost, and to make time to hang out as friends without the sexual aspect of the relationship. This can help preserve the friendship even after the FWB aspect ends.

6. Treating a FWB like a boyfriend

When entering into a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship, it is important to remember that it is not the same as a romantic relationship. In my first FWB experience, I made the mistake of becoming too invested and treating him like a boyfriend, which led to feelings of suspicion and disappointment when he did not reciprocate. To avoid this, it is important to keep the boundaries clear and maintain the same attitude towards each other as you would towards any other friend. This way, it can help maintain a healthy FWB relationship.

7. Deterring romantic relationships because of your FWB

In my last friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation, I made the mistake of assuming that I was not available for dating because of my FWB arrangement. When someone asked me out for dinner, I turned them down, saying that I was seeing someone, even though that was not entirely true. It's important to remember that just because you're in an FWB situation, it doesn't mean you can't explore other romantic options. It's important to be aware that you're still technically single and open to finding a future partner while enjoying your FWB.

8. Hiding developing feelings

In a friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation, it is possible for feelings to develop, even when both parties have agreed to keep things casual. This happened to me, and I found myself developing a crush on my FWB partner. Instead of being honest about my feelings, I kept them a secret and it changed our dynamic. When the arrangement ended, my partner was unaware of why I had changed. To avoid this, it is important to communicate openly and honestly about any feelings that may develop in a FWB situation. If you do develop feelings, it's important to talk about it with your FWB and explore the possibility of dating or ending the arrangement. Open communication is key to maintaining a healthy FWB relationship.

9. Not knowing when the arrangement has run its course

Being in a friends-with-benefits (FWB) arrangement should be enjoyable and stress-free. However, in one of my experiences, I found myself getting increasingly stressed out about seeing my FWB. Instead of addressing this, I continued to push through my feelings, thinking that I was just being difficult and that I needed to get over it. Eventually, the relationship came to an end, and we both realized that we had been feeling the same way. It had simply run its course. It's important to remember that while FWB can be fun and enjoyable, it's also important to pay attention to your own feelings. If an FWB arrangement becomes a chore, confusing, or no longer what you want, it's time to end it.

10. Taking it for granted

In my first friends-with-benefits (FWB) relationship, we stuck to more traditional, unadventurous sexual practices. However, I've come to realize that one of the benefits of an FWB arrangement is the opportunity to experiment and try new things. Since then, my FWB experiences have been much more exciting. I have been able to explore different kinks and sexual interests, try new sex toys, and experiment with different positions, all without fear of judgment. It has made the experience much more enjoyable and satisfying.