Okay, ladies – I’m just going to come right out and make a small confession: sometimes I look in the mirror and still feel unattractive.
I try to be kind to myself, I try to excercise self-love and feel good in my own skin without overthinking things. But no-one is infalible, and sometimes the niche art of not giving a damn is really quite difficult to keep up, there’s no use pretending otherwise. In fact, I would wager that the practice of self-love is one of the hardest things to sustain over time, because life isn’t designed to support you all the time. Sometimes, we have moments of crisis – and that’s okay.
Sometimes we just need to know that other people feel the same way and that we aren’t alone in our insecurities. Sometimes, we need someone to bite the bullet and compile a list of ways in which we can look and feel attractive and positive. For ourselves, and the people around us, and there’s nothing to feel ashamed of.
That’s where I come in.
So, gather all your best girls around you and put on your pjs and press play on the Gilmore Girls rerun. The kettle should be just boiling to make the hot chocolate, and you can all snuggle down and soak up a piece on ten small ways to feel more grounded, comfortable and, in turn, attractive…
1. Mix up the hairstyle.
Maybe it’s time for a change, or you’re feeling a bit risque – whatever impulses you’re feeling, why not heed them? Your bob might be feeling a little dated now, anyway. One word to the wise, while they always seem like a great idea at the time, bangs are never an option. I repeat: say no to bangs. It’s just not worth it.
2. Go rogue with some retail therapy (for purely research purposes, of course).
Maybe buy some new shoes, a salacious top, or even some fun eye-liner – whatever features you’re ready to accentuate, get on it, and feel confident. It’ll make you look and feel like a million bucks.
3. Demonstrate a hidden talent.
Okay, stop right there. I can hear all of you thinking to yourself “I don’t have any talents”. You heartless liars! Everyone has talents, even if they aren’t all arty-farty or being able to carry a tune or play an instrument. If you can tell a corker of a joke or move your tongue in a weird way or do 40 press ups in a row, or compose dirty limericks; everyone has a passion. It makes you more interesting and dynamic and memorable, and you’ll have a grand old time going back to one of your hobbies.
4. Try to mix up the make up.
If you normally wear a thick layer of pristinely applied make up, then why not change things up and go as barefaced as you’re comfortable with to give people a raw, intimate perspective on you. Vice versa, if you normally don’t put too much stead in make-up, why not try a dash of lipstick or eyeshadow? I say it to the guys so it’s only fair that I tell the gals to – make an effort! It’ll blow everyone’s mind to see another side of you.
5. Don’t be afraid to be goofy!
No, I don’t necessarily mean committing to the role so much that you morph into Mickey Mouse’s neighbour. More that you experiment with revealing your less polished, unaffected sides to the people around you. If they’re interested in you they’ll find more things to love. Your smile, your laugh and the crinkle in your forehead that you don’t even realise you have when you laugh.
6. Show affection through physical touch and compliments.
Oftentimes, guys need to know that you’re interested in them before they start to let themselves get attached, or even realise what a catch you are. Therefore, to get their attention it is worth increasing physical content in the casual moments – a hand on his thigh or shoulders, or on the lower back. These are all calming, relaxed positions that, as long as you are all comfortable with it, can establish a dynamic of support and empathy in each other’s needs.
It goes without saying that we love a good old fashioned wink. There’s something carnal and utterly irresistible about it that comes from the eye-contact. The conspiratorial shared glance, and the undeniable attraction implied. That’s the funny thing about attraction, once someone feels it, it tends to multiply out.
8. Express interests in things that he’s interested.
If you want him to notice you, then why not enter into his realm. Maybe attend a football match on a Sunday that he’s playing in. He will see you there and then need to impress you with his prowess, and if you turn up in his jersey or team strip, that’ll get you extra points too. There’s something about a woman wearing a guy’s shirt to bed or something that just can’t be put into words. There’s something prehistoric about it that guys love to see, and, frankly, we love to wear their stuff! A true party pleaser.
Gold dust, if you’re willing to lose the feeling in your feet for a night. (this is the one suggestion that is less physical self care, I admit – it’s more of a confidence boost). In any case, if you feel taller it will have you standing straighter, striding slow and seductive, and even if you fall, you’d better believe that a strapping chap will be on hand to sweep you off your feet!
And finally, the most important thing that will attract a guy? (you wont believe it)
10. Be yourself.
God, I know I sound like the chorus to a song you sung in primary school. There is a reason that they get you to sing that song then, though. It’s not wrong.
You will feel great in yourself if everyday you can find even five things that you like about yourself or are proud of.
Confidence is more intoxicating than any drug on the market, there’s no two ways about it.