Let's think about this and be realistic in our thinking.
Does any girl (while young) in her right sense desire to be a second choice to a married man?
What sane girl wakes up early in her life and all her pursuit in life as far as relationships are concerned is to be a "side chick" to any man?
Of course, not!
No girl wants to be the one outside. Every young woman desires to be married to the man she loves. She wants to be the only bride of her desired groom. Most women have pictured their wedding day so much and imagined it as if it was happening for real.
You hear some saying words like:
I can't wait to see how the guy will propose.
I can't wait to see my wedding day.
Wow! My wedding day is going to be awesome.
She pictures her wedding day and she's eagerly waiting for it. She is already seeing the guy holding her hands and promising her that they will both "live together" all the days of their lives in the presence of everyone around as a witness. She is already seeing herself going to bed at night with her husband and kids under the same roof, and waking up to the beautiful responsibilities of a wife and a mother. No woman wants to be the one regarded as a "spare type". But as life would have it, wishes and dreams sometimes don't come through. This has made some ladies take up this disadvantageous side of being the mistress to a man who's married.
It's a position that comes with lots of negative impacts on women. Though many of the women taking part in affairs have stopped seeing it as something bad on their side and have justified it as profitable because of the incentives (most times financial) that come with it.
The vast majority of women who have affairs with married men, usually stumble into them with their eyes and senses of right judgments completely shut. They go headlong into it with false hopes and promises which soon get broken. They later realized the man is not and will not be available. However, many of them still look for justifications to continue the affair.
As a mistress, do you stand a chance?
Research shows that about 50% of marriages in the United States end up in divorce or separation. It is believed that extra-marital-affairs are one of the main causes of broken homes. You probably thought in your mind that the married man you are going out with will someday abandon his family and come build a home with you, and you will become the new wife. In as much as that is not impossible, I need you to also know that you are at a greater chance of broken marriage when a man leaves his first family to come and unite with you.
Research shows that the percentage of broken marriages increases in second and third marriages. The percentages of broken marriages increase to about 60% and 70% in second and third marriages respectively.
The aim of this article is not to judge you but to help you see the truth. In case you still prefer to continue with your adulterous act, here are some brutal realities you should know.
1. He Sleeps With You Does Not Mean He Loves You
Men's view when it comes to sexual relationships has nothing to do with whether they love you or not. This is one truth that many ladies don't know when it comes to having sex with a man. A lady sees a sexual relationship as a way of showing her love to the man, but the man sees it as physical activity. For the man, it has nothing to do with emotion. This detachment between sexual relationships and emotion is the reason married men cheat even though they still love their wives so much. Don't be deluded, he still loves his wife though he sleeps with you.
2. Cheating Men Rarely Leave Their Wives
The lie that "he will leave his wife someday and come be with me" is what has kept many women in long-term affairs with married men. He has promised to divorce his wife and marry you. It's 2 years now that you have been waiting. He says you should give him some time to put things together. Soon it will be 5 years and beyond; of awaited promise. You will soon realize how you have wasted your time and put so many resources into something that will never happen.
All men have one or two things that still appeal to them as to why they should not leave their wives. It could be for the love of his children−he will tell you to give him some time for the children to mature past the stage of absolute dependence on parents. Sometimes, it is the root of his first love to his dear wife that he wouldn't let go−though he cheats on her. In the end, you will see how big a fool you are after committing the precious time of your life to a relationship that will lead you nowhere.
Come to think of it; If you were in the shoes of the wife, would you be happy to see your marriage collapse and your husband married to another woman?
What if he someday dumped you for another woman the same way he dumps his wife to be with you? Would you be ok with that?
3. He Won't Prioritize You Over His Family
In his heart, the family is more important than you. You know why? The reason is that there are many other ladies like you that he can easily replace you with if the need arises. But there is no other lady out there that he calls his wife. Each of his children has a unique identity in his heart−he can't let go of them. That's why you will always be the one to adjust your schedule to meet his schedule−which is mostly time dictated by the family's need. The times you spend together are not legitimately yours because you are not entitled to any to start with. So you both have to keep looking out for the slightest opportunity to take advantage of. He has constantly canceled appointments with you because they clash with family needs. See how much you have lost your dignity as a woman.
4. You Are Still Single
Though you are having an affair with this married man, it doesn't make you a married woman. You are still a loner. The sexual relationship between you doesn't make you both a couple. Your friends and family still see you as unmarried. Your neighbors and other community members see you as single.
5. You Cannot Go For Couples Hangouts
There will be special occasions that require married folks to come along with their spouses. You will be left out on days like this and you won't have what it takes to attend such events. If he gets invited to such events, he will attend with his wife and not you. You are neither a legitimate wife of his nor of any other man out there.
6. You Will Have Many Lonely Days
There will be many days of your life that you will have to lie alone on your bed because he is lying happily in the same bed as his wife. You will have many sleepless nights that you will wish your man is with you but he won't be there because he is not your husband. He won't be there with you on holidays and special events like his birthday, Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, etc.
7. You Cannot Celebrate A Wedding Anniversary
Family and friends especially celebrate couples on their wedding anniversary. The children are always happy to celebrate their parents on their wedding anniversaries−it's a celebration of the union that gave them life. A wedding anniversary is always an event that reminds the couple of the love that exists between them and ignites the love of their union.
Who will you celebrate yours with? Stop fooling yourself, lady!
8. Your Affair Remains A Secret
Many people who know him know his wife. He can publicly talk about his wife but he won't speak about you and your secret affair in public places. Men don't speak about their extra-marital affairs except with one or two persons who will be warned to keep it secret. Whatever it is that you share will remain secret. If he is truly proud of you as he has always made you believe, he should publicly declare your relationship. To him, you are just another girl that exists in obscurity and that is what you will remain.
You do not dare to come out to publicly declare your relationship with him−you know you will lose everything.
9. The Secret Will Still Leak Out
One big truth that ladies who have sexual relationships with married men fail to consider at the beginning, is that the secret will still be made known someday and the man will have to go back to apologize to his wife. When the secret you have been keeping gets revealed, the man will have to choose between you and his family. He will always choose his family.
10. In The End, You Will Lose On Every Side
When the whole game gets to its very end, you will lose on every side. The general public won't spare you−you will be seen as the one who wants to destroy the man. It doesn't matter who initiated the relationship or how the whole thing got started, you will still take the whole blame. In the end, he will reunite with his family and you will be the person he doesn't want to see. By then, you will be sorry for your life.
Stop it Now!!!
You don't stand a chance to carry the trophy in the game of dating married men. You have so much to lose as a lady. Don't let the incentives clad your vision. Wait for your own man who will be happy to marry you as his dear wife and you will forever live life in the happy home that you desire.