10 Differences Between Keeping Your Relationship Private & Keeping It A Secret

There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep your relationship private. However, if you find yourself constantly being secretive about your relationship, you may be taking your desire for privacy to the extreme. It's important to consider if this level of secrecy is healthy for your relationship.

1. You deliberately avoid mentioning your partner

When you constantly refer to events and experiences as "I" instead of "we," even when your partner was involved, it can be a sign that you are being overly secretive about your relationship. While it is natural to want to maintain some individuality in a relationship, constantly hiding the fact that you are in a relationship can be unhealthy and dishonest. It is important to consider whether this level of secrecy is necessary and healthy for your relationship.

2. You Say You're Single When You're Asked About Your Relationship Status

It is not necessary to provide a detailed account of your relationship when someone asks if you are seeing someone. However, it is dishonest and disrespectful to your partner to lie and say that you are single when you are not. Lying about your relationship status, whether it is to gain attention or to avoid judgment from others, is not acceptable. It is important to be honest with your partner and to consider their feelings in these situations.

3. You're active on social media but there's no trace of your S.O

It's understandable if you don't want to share every aspect of your life on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. However, if you regularly share pictures and thoughts with the world, it's unusual if your significant other is not present in any of your social media profiles. Of course, it's different if your partner has asked you not to post about them, but in general, it's strange to post about personal details but not mention your long-term romantic partner.

4. No one in your social circle has interacted with your partner

If you've been in a relationship for a year and your partner has not met your friends or family, it's worth considering why that might be. While long-distance relationships may make it difficult to introduce a partner to loved ones, it's unusual for a serious couple to not have introduced each other to their inner circle after a few months. It's possible that the circumstances just haven't been right yet, but if you've been in a committed relationship for an extended period of time, it may be worth considering why you're keeping your partner hidden from your loved ones.

5. You refer to your boyfriend or girlfriend using a more platonic term

If you introduce your romantic partner to others as just a "friend" and switch from using pet names to more platonic terms when others are around, it suggests that you're being secretive about your relationship rather than just being private. If you're not ready to use labels yet, you can simply introduce your partner by their first name and explain that you're dating if anyone asks about your relationship. This allows you to be honest without downplaying the importance of your partner in your life.

More Signs Your Relationship Isn't Private, It's A Secret

1. You hide your partner's social media activity about you

It's one thing if you're not particularly active on social media, but it can be concerning if you start untagging yourself from photos and updates that your partner posts. If you have specific concerns about appearing in photos on social media or being tagged in certain situations, it's important to communicate with your partner about it. If you don't, it may appear as if you're trying to hide the fact that you're in a relationship. It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner to avoid misunderstandings

2. You take your anti-PDA stance to extremes

It's normal to have boundaries when it comes to public displays of affection, and not everyone wants to be overly physical in public. However, if you actively avoid any physical interaction with your partner that could indicate that your relationship is more than platonic, it can come across as strange. It's important to find a balance that works for you and your partner and to communicate openly about your boundaries.

3. You treat your partner like a "bro" in public

It's not uncommon for couples to have a close friendship as well as a romantic relationship, and it's perfectly fine to have playful banter or exchange supportive gestures in public. However, if the only interactions you're willing to have in public are the same ones you'd have with your platonic friends, it can come across as a poorly disguised attempt to hide your romantic relationship. This can make your partner feel uncomfortable and undermine the importance of your relationship. It's important to be genuine and authentic in your interactions with your partner, both in public and private.

4. Your secretive ways are one-sided

If you and your partner have agreed that you're not ready to make your relationship public, then it's important to be respectful of each other's boundaries and avoid physical or other forms of intimacy in public. However, if you haven't had this conversation and you're going against your partner's wishes by acting like your relationship is a secret, it's likely that they are not comfortable with this behavior. It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and to respect their boundaries.

5. No one's actually sure if you're in a relationship or not

Even if you prefer to keep your love life private, it's usually not a secret to close friends and family when you're in a serious relationship. If the people closest to you consistently seem to be unaware of your relationship status, it's possible that they are not paying close attention or that you need to be more explicit in letting them know that you are in a committed partnership. It's important to communicate clearly with your loved ones about your relationship status to avoid misunderstandings

Benefits Of Keeping Your Relationship Private

It's natural to want to keep certain details about your relationship private, but being overly secretive about your partner or your relationship can be seen as shady. However, being cautious and keeping certain aspects of your relationship private can actually be beneficial for its long-term potential.

1. There's so much less pressure

When others know more about your relationship, they are likely to have more opinions about it. Keeping your relationship private helps to avoid outside interference and allows you and your partner to work through issues and challenges on your own. It keeps the focus on the two of you and can help to strengthen your bond.

2. You don't get caught up in superficial stuff

Couples who constantly post about each other on social media may seem overly reliant on external validation and may not have a strong, genuine connection. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly, spending too much time posting on social media can take away from valuable face-to-face time with your partner. A healthy, private relationship is often more fulfilling and satisfying.

3. You'll be able to think more clearly

When others don't know much about your relationship, they are less likely to offer unsolicited advice or interfere with your decisions. This can give you the space to process your own feelings and make decisions based on what is best for you and your partner. Maintaining privacy in your relationship can help you to stay focused and clear-headed.

4. You can't compare yourselves to anyone else

Comparing your relationship to others can be harmful and lead to feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Every couple is unique and what works for one may not work for another. By keeping your relationship private, you can avoid the temptation to compare yourselves to others and instead focus on what works for you as a couple. As clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly points out, constantly comparing your relationship to others can be detrimental to your mental health and the health of your relationship. Protecting your privacy can help you to maintain a positive and healthy outlook on your own partnership.